Whatever You Can't Do
by TheQueenMermaid
Summary: In the aftermath of so much loss, Arizona struggles to find herself again. The road to recovery is less of a road and more of a steep hill, but she doesn't have to climb it alone. Great big spoilers for 8x24.
1. Impact

**Disclaimer:** All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

**A/N:** I know there are already lots of post-finale fics out there, but...here's another one! I don't know at this point how many chapters this is going to have, but it's going to be fairly long. There are bound to be some similarities between this and other fics on the same subject, but I promise I'm not copying or ripping anything off! This is going to be fairly angsty, but I love happy endings and sweet moments just as much as anyone else. :) Beta'd by the incredible and speedy and incredibly speedy englishstrawbie. Thank you so much!

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_Arizona couldn't stop laughing. The sky wasn't supposed to decide to spit out a plane full of people – doctors! – for no reason. Bones were for holding bodies together, not tearing them apart. Callie was supposed to be the one staring at bones, not her. Cristina was supposed to have both shoes. The whole situation was just utterly ridiculous and Arizona couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably._

_Of course, that was before the pain registered. The pain of her body hitting the ground like a rogue tree branch, the pain of shrapnel cutting into her face, the pain of her broken femur slicing through her leg…and that was just the pain she didn't have to think about to notice. It was excruciating, and that was an understatement. She couldn't separate one ache from another. She was just acutely aware that _everything_ hurt. Smoke and – oh, god, was that blood? – burned the back of her throat, mingling with the distinct taste of fear. Where was everyone else? Were they alive? Who knew they were here? Who would find them? Arizona could feel herself starting to panic. She wanted Callie. Callie would make everything better. She'd take her out of this awful place where planes fell out of the sky and mangled bones poked out of mangled legs and she'd take her home, where everything was warm and safe._

"_Arizona!" Arizona turned her pounding head toward the voice. "Arizona!" Footsteps were hurrying toward her. "Arizona – Dr. Robbins – are you okay?" What a ridiculous question. Arizona almost laughed again before she realized that it was Lexie who had addressed her. Somewhere in the back of her head, she knew that Lexie was supposed to be under the back of the plane, slowly releasing her tenuous hold on life, so the fact that she was standing here talking was…odd. Who was under the plane? Not Cristina; she was still looking for her shoe. Meredith was looking for Derek, whose voice she could vaguely make out from deeper in the woods. Jerry, the pilot, was still trapped in the wrecked cockpit. Arizona could just make out the form of Mark in the distance, huddled next to the back end of the plane, talking to someone underneath it. But Lexie was right here, babbling about stabilizing the leg and preventing infection. So who – _

_Suddenly, the back of the plane appeared right next to her. It struck Arizona as strange, but it wasn't the strangest thing that had happened today. She turned her head and peered under the still-smoldering wreckage, coming eye-to-eye with the battered, lifeless face of – oh god. _

"Callie!"

Callie's head jerked up at the sound of her name being screamed with more urgency than she'd ever heard it before. She wasn't sure when she'd dozed off, but when she had, Arizona was sound asleep. Now, wide, haunted blue eyes darted around the room and a soft, terrified voice was chanting her name through a flood of tears.

"Arizona?" Callie grabbed her hand. "Arizona, look at me. Look at me, sweetheart." Callie spoke gently but firmly. Still, it was the touch of her fingers on Arizona's face that brought her back to the present.

Arizona whimpered in relief at the sight of her wife's face and gripped her hand as hard as she possibly could. She struggled to sit up despite the pain that threatened to rip her apart, desperate to be able to feel Callie's arms around her.

She'd been on the good drugs for the first two days she'd been here. Between the drugs being used to treat her embolism, a heavy dose of pain meds, and antibiotics to make sure the infection she'd developed cleared up, Arizona had barely woken up. When she had, she wasn't lucid enough to know what was going on or who was around. Now, on day three, she was being weaned off some of the heavier stuff, and she was much less foggy. But in exchange, the nightmares had started and the pain returned with a vengeance. She squirmed, trying to position herself in Callie's arms.

"No, Arizona, stop," Callie said gently, trying to still her. "You need to stay still. I'll come to you." And she did, lowering her forehead to Arizona's.

"Callie," Arizona whimpered, still trying to get closer. With her free hand she grabbed onto Callie's shirt and held on for dear life.

"Shh," Callie soothed, her own tears of simultaneous relief and heartbreak burning behind her eyes. Her wife was awake, but she was so broken. She'd almost lost her. There was no way she could have survived that. "Shh," she said again, face touching Arizona's. "I'm here. I'm right here. I have you. You're safe now, Arizona, I promise. You're safe."

"The p-plane crashed," Arizona stuttered, still crying softly, breathing Callie in. After God only knew how many hours in the woods amid the putrid stench of warped steel, burning fuselage, and so much blood, the sweet, clean, warm scent of Callie was heaven.

"I know," Callie whispered, fingers dancing along Arizona's hairline.

Arizona hiccupped. "I was s-so scared."

Callie let out a shuddering breath. "Oh, baby, I know you were." She herself had been absolutely _terrified_, but she knew that was still nothing compared to how Arizona must have felt. She couldn't even imagine. She pressed a kiss to Arizona's forehead and then, realizing what an incredible relief it was to kiss Arizona, began showering kisses all over her face. "I was scared too," she admitted, lifting her head to be able to look into Arizona's eyes. "When I saw you coming off the helicopter…" She trailed off. Arizona didn't need to know how bad she'd looked or how close Callie had come to passing out. "You're okay now."

"Lexie," Arizona said on a hitched sob. "She…she…"

"Yeah," Callie breathed. The loss of Lexie Grey was devastating. It hadn't even fully sunken in yet. She'd avoided thinking about it too much thus far, preferring to focus on her wife who, thanks to some kind of miracle, was here, safe. She'd only left Arizona's side to go to the bathroom and spend some therapeutic time with Sofia down in the daycare.

"Oh, god." Arizona jolted suddenly and then almost screamed at the pain it caused. "Mark! Is Mark…is he…"

Callie swallowed thickly. She'd almost lost her wife _and_ her best friend; Sofia had almost lost two parents. "He's okay," she promised. "He needed heart surgery, but he's recovering. He'll be fine." _As fine as someone who'd lost the love of his life could be._

Arizona sighed in relief. "And everyone else?"

Callie gave her the rundown, never moving her fingers from Arizona's face. "Meredith had a concussion, a head lac, and a couple bruised ribs, but she's okay. Cristina's arm is in a sling, but she's fine. We're…not sure about Derek's hand yet. We stabilized the breaks, but it's too soon to tell how extensive the damage is."

Arizona closed her eyes. A brilliant surgeon could lose his career. "What about Jerry?"

"Who?"

"The pilot."

"Oh." Callie sighed. "He…he didn't make it. He bled into his brain. I don't think he made it off the helicopter. I'm sorry."

Arizona's face crumpled and she let out a guttural sob. "I'm sorry!" she wailed. "I'm sorry. I tried!"

Callie's brow furrowed. "Arizona, what…"

"To b-be a g-good –" she hiccupped again. "A good man in-in a storm. I tried!"

"Arizona," Callie breathed, shaking her head incredulously. "You were. You were _amazing_. I heard about what you did out there. You kept Jerry alive as long as you could. You knew his _name_. You kept Mark calm. You splinted your own leg, Arizona! You were scared and in more pain than I can even imagine and you kept your head. You were a good man in a freaking category-four earthquake." She smiled down at her wife, her sweet, beautiful, perfect wife who had come home to her against all odds. "I am _so_ proud of you."

Arizona sniffled a few more times before she groaned. "Everything hurts."

"I know," Callie said softly. "You got pretty hurt, honey." Arizona didn't say anything, but Callie knew she wanted the full report. The question was clear in her eyes. "You have a concussion and three broken ribs. You had some bleeding in your abdomen, which Bailey repaired. The embolism finally cleared, but one of your lungs is bruised. Jackson fixed up the cuts on your face and arms. And your leg…"

When Callie trailed off, Arizona followed her gaze to her left leg. She'd known it was bad; hell, she'd seen all the blood and her femur sticking out. But this was… the leg hadn't been cast yet and was braced in a cage of metal and wire that she recognized as support rods. The whole leg was swollen and adorned with black and blue bruises. Where her femur had punctured the skin, there was a long incision that had since been stitched, the skin around it dark and recovering from infection. Arizona gasped at the sight and felt her stomach churn. Her body heaved just as Callie thrust a basin in front of her. There wasn't anything in her stomach but she managed to throw up anyway, bile burning the back of her throat. She nearly fainted at the pain of having to lift her head and shoulders. The combination of pain and panic found Arizona gasping for breath, and the feeling of not being able to breathe made her panic even more.

Somewhere in her panic, Arizona registered Callie's hand rubbing at her neck and shoulders. Forcing herself to concentrate on nothing besides her wife's hand, she felt herself relax a tiny bit.

"Breathe, Arizona," Callie was saying. "It's okay. You're okay. Just breathe. Nice, deep breaths. There you go." Callie had nearly worked herself into her own panic when Arizona's heart monitors started going crazy, and she breathed easier now that they – and Arizona – seemed to calm down. Arizona finally inhaled deeply and let out a slow breath, slumping back against her pillows. "That's my girl," Callie murmured, and kissed Arizona's head. She grabbed a cup of ice from Arizona's bedside tray and held a piece to her lips. "Here, rinse your mouth," she said. "Are you thirsty?" Arizona just nodded weakly and accepted the ice, letting the cold soothe her burning throat. "I know it looks bad," Callie said. "But you're going to be okay. And no matter what, you're alive and you're here with me. That's what's important." Arizona exhaled shakily, not sure if she was going to like where this was going.

"It was…it was pretty bad when you got here," Callie began, trying to push that memory out of her head for the time being. The image of her wife lying there broken, bloody, and deathly pale was…yeah. "We had to stop the bleeding and make sure you were stable before I could even look at your leg."

"You?" Arizona gasped. "_You_ worked on my leg?"

"I did." Callie nodded. "I yelled at Owen until he let me. And I think he only agreed because he was distracted with everything and wanted me to shut up."

"Callie," Arizona breathed. "Are you…"

"I'm _fine_," Callie insisted. She wasn't. She'd almost lost her wife and her best friend, and she'd lost a colleague and friend. She'd held Arizona's broken bones in her hands and images of her barely clinging to life on the gurney and on the O.R. table would probably haunt her for the rest of her life. But Arizona didn't need to know all that, at least not now. It wouldn't help anything. Callie cleared her throat against the swell of emotion. "There was a lot of damage. Part of your femur had deteriorated from infection and lack of oxygen. I tried, b-but I couldn't save it." Arizona gulped. That sounded bad, but her leg was still there, so… "I had to replace it with a titanium rod." That was actually kind of cool. She'd always thought it was impressive when Callie used titanium to replace unsalvageable bones. "There was some muscle damage, but almost no nerve damage, so with a lot of physical therapy, you should regain full function."

"Okay." Arizona didn't make eye contact.

"You'll need the support rods until the bones all re-stabilize and the skin on your leg heals, and then you'll have a cast. You're going to have to stay in the hospital for six, maybe eight weeks." Arizona's face fell at that. She wanted to go home to her own bed and curl up, safe with Callie. She wanted to hold Sofia. She wanted her life to go back to the way it had been last week. She felt tears start to well in her eyes again and she silently cursed them. "Arizona, it's going to be okay," Callie said again. "We'll have you in Heelys again soon, I promise."

At that, Arizona burst into tears. Heelys were so _normal_. Lexie was dead. Derek might never be able to operate again. Mark had lost the love of his life. And she got to roll around the hospital on her Heelys? It didn't seem right; it didn't seem fair.

Callie started. This wasn't the response she'd expected. "Arizona, honey…"

Arizona shook her head. "I can't," she sobbed. "I can't. Everything's wrong and everything's broken and everything…everything…it's too much and I can't do it. I can't!"

"Okay," Callie soothed, leaning in close again. "It's all right." She cupped Arizona's face in her hands. "You can do it, Arizona. You _can_. And I meant what I said. Whatever you can't do, I will. But you can do it." Arizona shook her head to the best of her ability. "I know it's a lot right now. Let's just take it one thing at a time, okay? Right now it's just us. Just you and me. You and me here, safe, together."

"Just you and me," Arizona murmured feebly, trying to stop her tears. "Callie…Callie, I was _so_ scared."

"I know."

"I hate the woods."

Callie chuckled despite the situation. "I know."

A beat of silence passed, Callie running her fingers along Arizona's bruised face in a soothing gesture. Arizona grunted in pain. Callie halted her motions. "What hurts?"

Arizona grimaced. "What doesn't?" Every fiber, every cell of her body was screaming in agony. She felt like she was being crushed. That thought immediately flooded her with guilt as she thought of Lexie.

Callie sat up and pressed the button for Arizona's morphine drip, and Arizona's face soon relaxed. "Get some sleep," she said softly. "You need to rest."

"Don't leave." Arizona's frightened eyes bore into Callie's, her tone belying desperation. "Please don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere," Callie promised in the same calm, even tone she'd used the other day in the parking lot. "You sleep, and I'll be right here." She took Arizona's hand in her own and brought it to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back. "I'll still be holding your hand when you wake up."

Arizona felt herself getting foggy from the effects of the morphine. "Promise?"

"Promise," Callie said, almost sternly. She lowered her head to Arizona's one more time and laid a slow kiss on her lips. Despite everything Arizona was feeling – the pain, the devastation, the guilt, the grief, the fear – she kissed back. Nothing was better than the feeling of her wife's lips on her own, especially when she'd been so afraid she'd never feel them again. "I _love_ you, Arizona," Callie said, her eyes a little misty. "I love you."

"I love you," Arizona replied. "Calliope, I…" Her eyes closed in a prolonged blink.

"Go to sleep," Callie murmured. "Close your eyes."

Arizona obeyed, too tired to argue. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Callie frowned. She had no idea what Arizona could possibly be apologizing for, but by the time she opened her mouth to ask, Arizona was asleep. Her face, while relaxed, wasn't completely peaceful; fear and sadness still adorned her features.

Arizona's hand still clutched safely in her own, Callie finally dropped her head and cried.


	2. Seven Days

The very talented twinsparadox and I are aware of similarities between her story, "Hard Landing," and this one. We've talked, everything's kosher, and there are absolutely no hard feelings on either side. :) We're coming at our work from different places and with different end goals. Her story is awesome! I highly recommend you check it out!

This chapter is long! It's a sad one, but I promise happier times are ahead. Beta'd once again by the seriously amazing englishstrawbie. Thank you, friend!

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Seven days had passed since the plane crash. It was hard to believe time could keep moving in the aftermath of something so huge and so awful, but suddenly, seven days had gone by. Seven days, a whole week in which Lexie Grey wasn't alive. Memories of burning wreckage, broken bodies, desperate screams, and unimaginable pain had haunted Arizona's every thought – and, she suspected, the thoughts of Derek, Meredith, Cristina, and Mark – for seven days.

It had been seven days since Callie had waited on her bed in blissful oblivion for her wife to come home to her, and it had been six days since she hadn't walked through the apartment door, appearing, nearly lifeless, on the hospital's helipad instead.

Callie had said it herself: life changes in an instant; stops on a dime. She just hadn't expected to have been talking about her own life this time.

Six days ago, Callie had stood in an operating room in which she'd worked hundreds of times, holding tools she had used so often she'd long since lost track. She had stared into the abyss of her wife's leg, open before her, and she'd held her bones in her own two hands. Callie had been surprised to find that they felt much the same as any other bones she'd handled in her career, except – and she was probably imagining things – Arizona's bones had felt softer somehow. Lighter.

Six days ago, Callie had resigned herself to the knowledge that, even after an hour and a half of trying, she just couldn't save Arizona's femur. Consumed by a somber, penetrating silence, she had assembled the titanium replacement, closed, and scrubbed out without another word. And for six days, Callie had been beating herself up. She should have been able to fix the break and save the bone. She was an ortho god, for heaven's sake. If she couldn't fix her wife's broken leg, what was she even doing in the O.R.? She had tortured herself for six days, reading every article she could find on the latest advances in repairing compressed fractures. She had gone over and back over the surgery so many times she could perform her sleep.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Callie knew the guilt was irrational. Arizona was alive, and barring any complications from out of left field, she would walk again. If anything, the titanium would help the whole thing heal faster. The infected, decrepit bone was gone, replaced with something much stronger. It was just a matter of Arizona's wound healing and the titanium bonding, fusing, and fitting in with the rest of the bones in the leg.

Callie knew all of that, and yet she saw herself as the reason Arizona was lying immobilized in a hospital bed with her leg bolted into an uncomfortable cage. She was the reason her wife would endure horrendous pain for the next few months and the reason she'd set off metal detectors in airports for the rest of her life – not that Arizona was going to be rushing to an airport anytime soon.

"Do you have any threes?" Arizona's voice cut into Callie's thoughts, flat and monotone. Go Fish was the most boring game either of them knew, and yet they were on their fourth game. Some days boring was better than reliving what had happened, preferable to talking about fear and death and brokenness.

Callie blinked, re-situating herself in the present time and place. "No. Uh, go fish."

Arizona's abdominal incision was healing nicely, and the top half of her bed was propped up partway so she could sit. Halfheartedly, she reached for the pile of cards on the table by her bed and picked one up. It was the three she'd asked for, but her lips didn't so much as twitch at the corners. She had survived a plane crash. Her body had sustained almost more than it could take. She had lost a dear friend and colleague, not to mention a part of herself she wasn't sure she would ever find again. Who the hell cared if she was winning at a card game?

"Do you have -" Callie was cut off by a knock at the doorframe as Cristina appeared, dressed formally in a skirt and a nice blouse.

"Cristina," Arizona said, surprised to see her. Out of everyone, Cristina's injuries had been among the least severe, and Arizona had expected her to be running the show in Minnesota by now. "I thought you were going to Mayo."

Cristina regarded Arizona for a moment, not having seen her since they'd all left the crash site. She hadn't particularly wanted to see anyone else who had been in the crash – apart from Meredith, of course – not wanting to drudge up memories of the experience or, worse, have to talk about them. And Arizona hadn't really been up for visitors anyway. "Yeah, well. Things change."

Arizona blinked and swallowed heavily.

"I'm just here to ask if you changed your mind about going." Cristina directed the statement at Callie. "Owen still has room in his car."

"Going where?" Arizona asked.

"No," Callie said, shaking her head. "I'm staying here. Tell Owen thanks."

"Going _where?_" Arizona asked again. "Callie…"

"Okay." Cristina stood awkwardly in the doorway for a second, looking as if she wanted to say something to Arizona, and then she turned to leave. "Well, bye."

"Cristina!" Arizona called after her. Reluctantly, Cristina turned around. "Tell Teddy I know she's busy, but that's no excuse not to visit me." She sounded much more playful than she felt. She knew Teddy had been through hell this year herself, losing Henry and her feud with Owen, but Arizona missed her friend. She and Teddy always tried to be there for each other, and she was hurt by the complete lack of contact this time around. Arizona knew she looked bad, but Teddy wasn't the type to be put off by things like that, and she should have been by to at least try to make Arizona laugh by now. "Tell her I may not have showered, but it's been a week. She can't avoid me forever, even if I do smell."

Cristina shot Callie an incredulous look. "You didn't tell her?"

Arizona's brow furrowed. "Tell me what?"

Callie looked at Arizona, a pained expression on her face, mouth opening and closing as she tried to figure out what to say.

"Teddy's gone." Cristina cut right to the chase. Arizona felt all the air rush out of her body. Her mouth dropped open and she just stared at Cristina, eyes wide. "She got a job with MedCom. She left last week."

Arizona looked from Cristina to Callie and back again. Both of them were looking at her with sympathy etched across their faces, which on Cristina looked entirely out of place. Arizona didn't want to see it. She didn't need people feeling sorry for her. She was feeling sorry enough for herself, and besides, she was thoroughly convinced she didn't deserve anyone's sympathy anyway.

She felt a lump forming in the back of her throat, despite her best efforts to push it down. "She didn't…she didn't say goodbye," Arizona whispered. "She didn't even say goodbye."

Callie looked like she might cry herself. "She didn't really say goodbye to anyone," she said. "It happened fast. She left before…before we knew."

It made sense. Without Henry, Teddy really didn't have anything grounding her in Seattle anymore. She might as well have been anywhere, and if an exciting new job prospect had come along, there was no reason not to take it. But still, she couldn't have stuck around another day until Arizona was home? She couldn't even have found Callie on her way out and said, "Hey, tell Arizona I said goodbye"?

"She left," Arizona repeated quietly. _Everyone_ left.

"I'm sorry," Cristina said, and she sounded like she meant it. She turned to Callie. "You sure you're not coming?"

Callie's eyes were still fixed on Arizona. "I'm sure."

With a halfhearted shrug, Cristina turned and left without saying another word.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Arizona asked around the lump that just wouldn't go away. "And where aren't you going?"

Callie blinked. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I didn't know how to tell you."

Arizona scoffed. "Seriously? You couldn't figure out how to say, _'Hey, Arizona, you know our good friend Teddy who we talked to every day for two years? She's gone. She got a new job and she left without saying goodbye. Just like everyone else.'_ You didn't know how to say that? You open your mouth and say words, Callie. You should try it sometime." Arizona wasn't sure when her volume had increased, but she was yelling by the time she'd finished.

Callie swallowed and forced herself to remember that she wasn't the real target of Arizona's anger. When Arizona got scared or was feeling hurt, she picked fights, flung words, and more often than not, Callie was in the line of fire. It was how Arizona deflected her feelings until she was ready to address them. It had thrown Callie at first, had offended her. Now, though the initial impact of the words stung – they were sharp, and Arizona did kind of have a point – Callie knew it was her job to be the calm, collected presence her wife needed. "I'm sorry," she said again. "Arizona…"

There was no fighting the lump anymore as it erupted into tears. Arizona had cried every day for seven days and she was sick of it, yet she couldn't stop. She hadn't meant to yell at Callie. For the past seven days, Callie had been nothing but supportive, loving, understanding…perfect. Everything Arizona didn't deserve.

Nothing in Arizona's life, in her head, made any sense to her; it had all been shattered in the crash, and when her frustration over the emotions she couldn't control got the best of her, she lashed out. She always had.

Callie knew that. "I wasn't trying to keep it from you," she said calmly, rationally. "It wasn't a secret. I was just trying to figure out the best way and the best time to tell you. I don't really understand it myself, to be honest, so I thought maybe if I understood it better first…" Callie sighed. She was going to miss Teddy and, if she were honest with herself, she was a little miffed that she hadn't called. "If it makes you feel any better, she didn't say goodbye to me, either."

Arizona knew Callie was right. Before now, Teddy's name hadn't come up, and if Callie had just started a conversation out of the blue with the news, Arizona would have broken. She knew that she would have. She knew her anger wasn't directed at Callie; it was meant for Teddy, MedCom, the situation, herself. Hearing Callie's words spoken in her composed, even, soothing voice helped her process all of that. She felt the anger – most of it, anyway – fade from her body, to be replaced with grief and weariness.

"Sorry," Arizona sniffled as her tears began to taper off. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm not mad."

"I know you're not," Callie reassured softly, reaching for Arizona's hand. "You don't need to be sorry."

"She left," Arizona said again. People left. She should probably be used to it by now. Her father had left for tours of duty all the time. A few of her exes had left back in the day. Tim and Nick had left, and they didn't come back. Now Teddy. People left – people Arizona truly cared about and trusted. They just…went away.

Callie had never left. Granted, Arizona had been so afraid of Callie leaving that _she_ had always been the one to leave first – you couldn't leave someone who was already gone – but then she had learned to trust and had discovered that Callie wasn't going anywhere. Callie was a safe place, maybe the only one Arizona had left.

"I know," Callie breathed. "Trust me, she's going to get an earful the next time she hears from me."

Arizona chuckled mirthlessly. "Defending my honor. Thanks."

"Who said anything about your honor?" Callie teased. "She stood me up too, you know."

Arizona appreciated the attempt at levity, she truly did. She loved that Callie could be sweet and supportive and still find a way to make jokes. At least Teddy hadn't taken that presence from Arizona's life entirely. But today, she wasn't feeling it. There just wasn't any lightheartedness or humor to be found. "Hey," she said, suddenly eager to switch gears. "Where's Cristina going? And why aren't you going with her?"

Callie drew back and didn't say anything. She had been hoping to avoid this topic. It was probably the last thing Arizona needed to think about. Finally, after several beats of silence, she answered. "Lexie's funeral."

Arizona's breath hitched and she felt her stomach flip. The reality that Lexie was dead made her feel sick. She couldn't think of anything to say. "Oh," she croaked.

"I know it's soon," Callie said. "But Meredith kind of threw herself into planning it." Arizona understood. She was all too familiar with coping mechanisms. Sometimes she still couldn't believe how elaborate a memorial her mother had put together for Timothy. "And she wasn't sure when Mark would be able to go. He still has a couple weeks in here."

"Mark already said goodbye," Arizona said quietly. "He wouldn't want to go anyway." Callie nodded, inhaling deeply. "But how come you're not going to go?"

"Because I'm staying with you," Callie replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

That Callie would stay without having been asked warmed Arizona's heart. Truthfully, she wanted her to stay. Even when she wasn't dreaming about the crash – which was a rarity these days, but it happened occasionally – her dreams didn't feel completely safe because Callie wasn't there. But this was Lexie Grey's funeral. There wouldn't be another one. If she were able, Arizona would have been there in a heartbeat. She felt guilty enough that she couldn't be there herself; she wouldn't be the reason Callie wasn't there either.

"That's sweet," Arizona said, "but you should go."

Callie shook her head. "I'm not leaving you, Arizona."

"You're not _leaving_," Arizona argued. "You're just…going out for a while. It's not the same. I want to go, but I can't, so go for me. Please?" Callie just eyed Arizona warily, even as she fidgeted and picked at her fingernail. "It's Lexie's funeral," Arizona continued in a quieter voice. "This is important. She needs to be honored. We need to remember her."

Callie was being worn down slowly, but she still wasn't completely convinced. She had made a promise to Arizona that she wouldn't ever leave and she had every intention of keeping it.

"If you don't go for me, go for you," Arizona said. "You've barely left this room in the past week. When do you work? When do you see Sofia?" A new wave of guilt crashed down over Arizona as she realized she was what was keeping Callie from her regular life; what was keeping Sofia from her madre.

"I took some personal time," Callie replied. She'd never be able to focus in surgery now anyway, not with the images of Arizona ripped open in front of her so fresh in her mind. "I visit Sofia in daycare every day while you're asleep, and Bailey's been watching her at night."

"Callie," Arizona chided. "You need to take her home. She needs to be in her own house, in her own room. With her own mother." As much as she hated the thought of sleeping alone in this room every night for the next six weeks without Callie next to her, she knew how important stability was for a child. She couldn't take that away from Sofia.

"We'll talk about that later," Callie said.

"After you come back from the funeral," Arizona insisted.

Callie chewed on her bottom lip. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be _fine_," Arizona said. "I'll probably end up sleeping the whole time anyway. Please go to the funeral. It's important to me. And I can tell it's important to you."

Arizona had her there. Lexie's funeral was important to her, as much as she'd tried to downplay it. "All right," she finally relented. "I'll go. I'll go, and I will come right back here afterward, okay? And you will call me if you need me, for _anything_. Even if you're just bored and want company." Arizona just nodded. "I don't remember the last time I won an argument with you," Callie complained good-naturedly.

"That's because you never have." Arizona gave Callie the closest approximation of a smile she could muster.

"Yeah, yeah," Callie grumbled, getting to her feet. She took Arizona's hand again. "Are you _sure_ you'll be okay?"

"Yes, Calliope," Arizona said, rolling her eyes. She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt.

Callie sighed. "Okay. I'll tell them you send your regards."

Arizona gripped Callie's hand tighter, eyes widening. "Tell them she was a brilliant surgeon and an amazing friend," she said. "Tell them she was a beautiful person and that she was brave and honorable and strong. And tell them…tell them I'll always miss her and that I'll tell Sofia about her every day." She swallowed thickly, looking into Callie's eyes. "Please tell them," she said hoarsely. "They need to know, Calliope."

"I'll tell them," Callie assured her. "I will, I promise."

"Okay." Arizona nodded. Then, almost shyly, she asked, "Can I have a kiss goodbye?"

"Arizona, of course." Callie couldn't imagine why Arizona even felt the need to ask. Leaning over, mindful of Arizona's left leg, Callie pressed her lips softly to Arizona's. It was Arizona who deepened the kiss first, sliding her tongue along Callie's upper lip and then across her teeth. For her part, Callie caressed Arizona's tongue with her own and then pulled her bottom lip lightly between her teeth. "Wow," she said, grinning, when they finally broke apart for air.

Arizona didn't smile, but her eyes looked a little brighter. "I love you," Callie said softly. She kissed just to the side of Arizona's mouth. "So much."

Arizona buried her face in Callie's hair, determined to breathe her in before she left. "I love you too," she murmured. "Callie?"

"Hmm?"

"I-" Arizona's breath hitched, but she was determined not to cry this time. "I'm sorry. Callie, I am so, so sorry." She whimpered softly, but was relieved when no tears came.

Callie just shook her head. "Please stop apologizing, Arizona," she said, frowning. "I don't even know what you're sorry for. But you don't need to apologize to me, okay? You have nothing to apologize for."

Arizona closed her eyes. She didn't believe that, not for one second.

"Well," Callie continued, "except…you do kind of smell." She pulled back to smile softly at Arizona. It was so unbelievably hard, she was slowly realizing, to be the constantly supportive, encouraging one, when she felt half the time like she was barely hanging on herself. "I'll help you take a bath when I get back, okay?"

That earned a genuine, if very small, almost imperceptible, smile. "Okay."

* * *

The other benefit of having Callie around, Arizona realized, was that she didn't have to be alone with only her thoughts for company. Now, with Callie gone and the door to her room closed, Arizona was surrounded by silence. It was oppressive and unnerving. Even when she was asleep, her dreams had sound. The last time it had been this quiet was after the screaming and crying had died down out in the woods. At the time, Arizona had been sure that only death could be more silent and she'd been sure she would experience that silence soon.

As it turned out, she had been right – not because she was dead, but because she was lying here in this white, silent room.

Close enough.

Arizona found herself wishing she hadn't pushed Callie to go. She couldn't put her finger on why exactly, but her absence filled Arizona with a sense of dread and fear. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to feel Callie's arms around her

Taking a deep breath, she tried to remind herself that it was okay that Callie wasn't here right now and that where she had gone was more important. Of course, that made the awful truth resonate once again.

Lexie Grey was dead.

She died in a plane crash. A fucking _plane crash_. Arizona didn't know the exact statistics, but she remembered reading somewhere that a person was more likely to die crossing the street than in a plane crash. It was ridiculous.

And yet, here she was. Not only that, but it had only been a year since Arizona had been in a horrifying car accident. A year before that, she'd crossed paths with a gunman on a vengeful rampage. What, like that wasn't enough? She went onto her own wing of her own hospital and almost died. She got into a car and almost died. She got on a plane and almost died. Arizona shuddered and whimpered involuntarily. She wasn't safe _anywhere_. Everywhere she went, disaster lurked around the corner. The hospital room suddenly felt suffocating and altogether sinister.

Her gut churned with fear, and also with guilt. Lexie was dead while Arizona had been allowed to survive. Why? Why hadn't Gary Clark shot her when he had walked into that examination room? Why hadn't the impact of her car smashing into the truck caused her any serious injuries? Why hadn't she ended up trapped and dying under the wing of the airplane?

Her good leg jiggled impatiently against the hard mattress beneath her.

Arizona thought about calling her but stopped herself, again remembering the importance of Lexie's funeral and Callie's presence there. So, with heightened anxiety, she settled back against her bed and reached for the television remote. At the very least, maybe some ambient noise would help.

She flicked absentmindedly through the channels, finding nothing to watch, although the background noise did make her feel a little calmer. She let her eyelids drift shut. Sleeping was always a great way to kill time. She probably wouldn't sleep deeply; she wasn't particularly tired and she certainly wasn't in the mood for a nightmare, but she was content to doze lightly for an hour…maybe two…

Out in the hallway, a nurse carrying too many charts lost her grip and dropped the top few onto a supply cart. The disturbance sent two metal basins and several bottles of cleaner clattering to the floor. The nurse shouted out in surprise. It was loud even through the closed door of Arizona's room.

Arizona jolted, not quite asleep but not fully awake, either. She heard the metallic clanging and her mind told her it was plane parts breaking apart and hitting the ground. She lay flat on her back, surrounded by trees and chaos and blood. Someone was yelling in the distance. Her head pounded and her leg felt like it was being torn to pieces. Looking down, she could see why: her femur, broken haphazardly in half, stuck out at an angle from the top of her thigh. _I'm married to an orthopedic surgeon and I'm staring at my bone_. Arizona almost wanted to laugh, but there was too much pain, too much uncertainty. Where was everyone? She choked and coughed, feeling smoke irritate her throat. Part of the plane was on fire. "Help!" she cried out weakly. "Somebody help!" No one answered. She was all alone, nothing around for miles but trees and wreckage.

She had to get out of here. She was going to die here if she didn't. Through the blinding pain, Arizona tried to sit up, but found that she couldn't get any further. Her broken left leg was pinned under something. She gasped when she realized why that was.

There was a car on top of her.

And not just any car. Just underneath where Arizona's femur stuck out of her thigh, the car she had driven into the back of the logging truck last year bore down heavily on her. She could see that the airbag was deployed and the windshield was shattered, but Callie was nowhere to be seen. "Somebody help!" Arizona screamed again, louder this time. There was no response.

Arizona kicked her good leg and threw the top half of her body in any direction she could, desperate to get free. Where was Callie? Arizona wanted her, _needed _her. She had promised she wouldn't leave, so where was she?

Fear. Desperation. Anguish. Agony. Everything and more was crushing Arizona. All she could do was scream.

"Arizona?" Callie dropped the bag she'd been carrying at the sight of the chaos before her. Arizona's left leg was still tightly secured in its external fixation, but her right leg, along with her arms and upper body, was thrashing violently. A nurse was trying to hold her down while another nurse prepared a shot of a sedative. "Arizona!" Arizona's eyes darted around the room, wide and unseeing.

"No!" Arizona was screaming, louder and more hysterically than Callie had ever heard her. Was this how she had sounded in the woods? "No, no, _no!_ Help! Somebody help! Help me!" She struggled against the nurse's hold. "Help! _Help!_" Her cries for help dissolved into unintelligible sounds shouted at the top of her lungs.

Callie rushed to Arizona's side, waving off the nurses. "Don't sedate her," she instructed. The nurse with the syringe hesitated, but he put it down. "Arizona," Callie said again, gripping her shoulders. "Arizona, look at me." Arizona's body still jerked, but the screaming gave way to loud whimpering. "It's me, Arizona. It's Callie. You're okay. Look at me, sweetie."

Arizona's flailing slowed, eventually to a stop. "Callie?"

Callie nodded encouragingly. "That's it. I'm right here. Come back to me." The nurses, satisfied that the situation seemed to be under control, left the room.

"You left!" Arizona cried. "You left. You promised you wouldn't!"

Callie closed her eyes. She knew going out was a bad idea. "I'm sorry." She struggled not to cry even as her chest tightened. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left."

"Where did you go?"

Callie's eyes snapped open. What was Arizona talking about? She knew where she'd gone. "What?"

"Where were you?" Callie realized that Arizona was looking at her, but not seeing her. She knew Callie was there, but wherever Arizona was, it wasn't here in the hospital, and it probably hadn't been seven days since the crash.

Callie unsure of what to do. Was she supposed to talk Arizona out of her flashback? Should she go find that nurse with the sedative? Deciding on the first option, she kept a tight hold on Arizona's arms. "Arizona," she said, trying to sound calm. "You're in the hospital. You were in a plane crash last week, but you're okay. Lexie…Lexie died. I went to her funeral. That's where I was, just for a couple hours, but I'm here now. We're here and we're safe."

"Lexie…what?" Arizona heard Callie's words, but they didn't make any sense. The crash had been a week ago? How was that possible? And how had Lexie died? She wasn't even there. What was going on?

Arizona's eyes were frantic. Callie needed to get her calm before she started screaming and thrashing again. "Arizona. _Dr. Robbins_."

Something in Callie's tone, or maybe being called Doctor, kick-started Arizona's brain. She blinked a few times as her surroundings came into focus. She wasn't in the woods. Her leg was immobilized, but it wasn't pinned under a car. And Callie was here. She'd left for a little while, but she was back. At Arizona's insistence, she'd gone to –

Arizona's face fell as she came fully into the present. The realization of everything that had happened over the past seven days barreled into her, and she remembered it, every detail, all over again.

Callie watched the anguish play across Arizona's face and she felt her own heart break. It hurt her to see Arizona so haunted. When Arizona hurt, she hurt too. She shouldn't have left. She should have been here. "Sweetie…"

Arizona released a wounded, guttural sob as the top half of her body collapsed against Callie. She was sick of crying, but she couldn't help it. The mixture of grief, fear, guilt, and relief was too powerful to control. Callie was here and Arizona needed her – desperately. She wrapped her arms around Callie's shoulders, buried her face into her chest, and cried.

"Oh, baby." Callie sank down onto Arizona's bed next to her good leg. One hand wove into Arizona's hair and rubbed softly at her neck; the other pulled Arizona tightly to her. "Arizona, my sweetheart. It's all right." Callie could barely hear herself over Arizona's sobbing. She swayed gently from side to side, rocking them both. "It's all right. I'm here. I'm here. I've got you." Still Arizona cried bitterly. Callie let out a shaky breath. She would cry later, when Arizona was asleep. "I know," she murmured, lips pressed to the crown of Arizona's head. "I know."

Finally, after what felt a lifetime to both of them, Arizona's desperate sobs faded to hiccupping cries, which in turn faded to whimpers and finally sniffles. "Lexie's gone," she rasped into Callie's chest.

"Yeah," Callie breathed. "She is."

"A week?" Arizona asked, trying to wrap her mind around how much time had passed. "Sev-seven whole days?"

"Yeah, seven days ago," Callie answered gently.

Arizona nodded slowly against her chest, finally understanding in full. "How was the service?"

"Nice," Callie replied. How was one supposed to describe a funeral? "There were a lot of people there. A lot of people are going to remember her."

"Good." A moment of silence passed. "Everyone's gone." Arizona's voice shook.

Callie's hand tightened in Arizona's hair. "What?"

"Lexie. Teddy. Alex. Tim died. Nick's dying. Morgan's baby died. George O'Malley died. Reed and Percy…they died." She took a shuddering breath. "People keep dying around me. Everyone is gone."

"Hey," Callie said softly. "I'm here. Sofia is here. Mark is here. We're all still here. We're not gone and we're not going anywhere." She kissed Arizona's head. "And actually, you're wrong on one count."

"Hmm?"

"Alex is still here."

Arizona lifted her head to study Callie's face. "He is?"

Callie nodded. "Yeah. He decided to stay. He went out with Cristina and Jackson and April after the funeral, but he'll be around tomorrow. I'll let him tell you about it." That got the tiniest bashful hint of a smile from Arizona. Callie managed a wavering one in return, still shaken by the events of the day and the six that had come before it. "Good to know Peds isn't going to fall apart completely while you're gone, huh?"

Arizona just shook her head and peered over Callie's shoulder, noticing the duffel bag on the floor for the first time. "What's in the bag?"

"Oh!" Callie shifted to get up, and Arizona reluctantly loosened her grip. "I stopped at home on my way back. I brought you some things." She opened the bag and Arizona craned her neck to see what was inside. "I thought you might want this." Callie pulled out Arizona's pillow. It didn't fully show on her face, but Arizona felt the first glimmer of real happiness she'd felt all week. Callie saw it. "Here, lean forward." Callie positioned the pillow behind Arizona's shoulders.

Leaning back, Arizona turned and pressed her face into the pillow. It smelled like home. Suddenly overcome with an entirely different kind of emotion, she looked up at Callie, "Thank you," she said earnestly.

Callie just smiled and kept pulling things out of the bag: Arizona's soap. Her shampoo. Her toothbrush, her hairbrush, her blow-dryer. T-shirts so Arizona didn't have to wear a starchy hospital gown for the next six weeks. There was Arizona's iPod, the book she'd been reading, and her reading glasses. And on the table right next to Arizona's bed, Callie placed the item she'd been saving for last: a framed photo of the two of them and Sofia.

Arizona reached out and traced Sofia's face with her finger. She couldn't believe she'd gone seven days without seeing her baby. She missed her so much it gnawed at her heart. But then, a sudden, unwelcome thought tugged at the corners of her mind: Sofia didn't deserve her. She was broken, and she hadn't been a good man in a storm, even if Callie did try to tell her otherwise. She hadn't been able to save Lexie. She couldn't save Tim, she couldn't save baby Tommy and she couldn't save Nick. Sofia deserved so much better.

"Callie?" Arizona's eyes welled with tears again as she murmured her wife's name with such trepidation.

"What is it?" Callie reached for Arizona's hand, but Arizona pulled it back.

"People…" She took a deep breath. "Lexie died. People keep dying around me. The universe keeps…it keeps taking good, innocent people. It keeps taking them away. Why…" A few tears slid down Arizona's cheeks, but she didn't bother to wipe them away. "Why am I still alive?"

Callie just shook her head and leaned over, kissing Arizona's temple. "Because I can't live without you, Arizona," she whispered.

Arizona breathed shakily, tilting her forehead against Callie's. She loved her _so_ much. They were sweet words, even if she didn't totally believe them. Then again, she certainly couldn't live without Callie, so maybe it was true. She didn't know what to believe.

"I'm staying here tonight," Callie declared softly.

Arizona lifted her head. "But –"

Callie shook her head again. "Sofia can stay with Bailey one more night." She sat back down on the bed and ran a hand along Arizona's cheek. "I've left enough for one day, don't you think?"

"I love you," Arizona said. It was the most confident she'd sounded in a while. "I love you _so_ much, Calliope."

"I love you too," Callie murmured, leaning down to give Arizona a kiss. "Thank you for coming back to me." She brushed a piece of hair away from Arizona's face. "I promised you a bath. Shall we?"

"In a minute," Arizona replied. "I just…need you for a little while first."

Callie nodded. "I know the feeling."

Arizona leaned against Callie. Callie reciprocated by wrapping her arms around her. Arizona felt awful – defeated, sad, guilty, angry, lost – but with Callie's arms around her, she at least felt safe.

It was the only thing that worked.


	3. How Do I Get You Alone

So, so sorry for the long wait! I got caught up in real life (whatever that is), and then this chapter was a bear to write at times. It's a long one, though, so hopefully that kind of makes up for it! I promise to try super hard not to go so long between updates next time. Beta'd by the seriously amazing englishstrawbie. I could not have done this without you! The title from this chapter comes from the song "Alone," an 80s rock ballad by Heart that I probably love way more than I should.

**Note:** this chapter has some colorful language. The story is still rated T/PG-13, but this particular chapter is rated M/R for the language.

* * *

After a week and two days, there was no way around it: Callie had to go back to work. She had patients whose surgeries had already been rescheduled. She had charts that needed to be updated, other charts with interns' mistakes to fix and, as she had learned one too many times, traumas didn't take a break. Owen had been kind enough to reduce her hours; after all, she had a baby to take care of and a very unhappy wife literally nailed to a hospital bed. But her return to work was inevitable, and so today, one week and two days after the crash, Callie was spending her last full day off in Arizona's room.

Neither woman was particularly looking forward to Callie's return to work, even though Arizona's room was on the orthopedic floor. But Arizona was used to her wife being around and Callie liked being there. The sight of Callie's face and the sound of her voice made Arizona feel a little less like she was struggling her way through a sinister world of chaos and destruction, and Callie generally felt much better when she could see with her own eyes that Arizona was still whole, still there with her.

Callie also hadn't performed a surgery since Arizona's, and the knowledge that that memory would be accompanying her into the O.R. was difficult. How was she supposed to pick up a scalpel knowing that the last time she had done so, she'd been slicing into her own wife? How was she supposed to see a patient, bloodied and broken on her table, and not see Arizona as she barely clung to life? How could she listen to the steady beep of a heart monitor without worrying that at any second it could start screaming?

How could she fix people, put their bones back into alignment, when she hadn't been able to do the same for Arizona?

So, while the general mood in the room was morose – which was nothing new – Callie was determined to lift Arizona's spirits, even if she couldn't lift her own, so they could end the day on a positive note and start tomorrow with some good memories.

"She's doing this thing now where she waves her arms and squawks like a bird when I walk into the room." Callie was filling Arizona in on Sofia's latest adventures and showing her the pictures she'd snapped with her phone. "And Bailey said she just giggles whenever Tuck is around. Can a one-year-old have a crush? She's going to be flirting before she can talk."

"Look at the genes she has," Arizona pointed out. She had moments when she felt almost like herself, almost _normal,_ when she enjoyed bantering with Callie and talking about her life. They usually faded as suddenly as they appeared, but neither woman took a single one of them for granted.

"And you're no help," Callie retorted, nudging Arizona playfully with her shoulder. "You're going to be teaching her pick-up lines for her first day of preschool."

Arizona nodded. "Like mother, like daughter."

Callie snorted. "Nice." Those girls of hers… She gazed lovingly at Arizona for a minute. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that Arizona and Sofia were mother and daughter. Even a perfect stranger could see it in the way each of their faces lit up when they were around the other. If Sofia indeed turned out to be exactly like Arizona, Callie would be thrilled. "Do you…do you want to see her today?"

Arizona had only asked to see Sofia a handful of times and it worried Callie. Granted, for the first few days that Arizona was lucid after the crash, she had been in a lot of pain and heavily medicated. She was still healing from surgery, so the risk of picking up an infection was too great anyway. Still, Callie would have expected Arizona to beg and plead to see her baby every second she was awake, but she hadn't. Arizona fluctuated mainly between the fear brought on by nightmares and flashbacks, and quiet and unresponsive. The Arizona who had boarded the flight to Boise was not the Arizona who had come home, and that broke Callie's heart. While the Arizona of old was all smiles and optimism, this Arizona was racked by fear, sadness, and a guilt that Callie didn't fully understand. This Arizona, though in a constant state of devastation, didn't seem to want to do anything that might make her happy.

Today, though, there were a few more moments when the Arizona in front of her sounded like the old Arizona, smiling and joking, than there had been yesterday. Callie knew that those moments tended to give way eventually to Arizona's darker trains of thought, but that didn't stop her from enjoying them. Callie loved Arizona Robbins, no matter who she was, period. But seeing her happy, even if it was just for a few seconds, always lifted her spirits. It gave her hope that maybe Arizona could find whatever it was she had lost in the crash.

A slow smile spread across Arizona's face and she nodded eagerly. "I've missed her."

Callie returned the smile, internally breathing a sigh of relief. "She misses you, too." Arizona scoffed. "I'm serious!" Callie insisted. "She looks around for you. I can tell. She grabs my necklace in her hand and looks around. She knows you have the same one."

Arizona smiled, unconsciously reaching for her own heart necklace. While she'd been physically in the clear to visit with Sofia for several days now, she hated to admit that she hadn't been emotionally ready. She had thought about it. Arizona missed her daughter so much that at times she actually felt an ache in her chest. More than anything, she longed to hold her baby in her arms, to kiss her downy hair, to hear her joyous giggles. Sofia was half the reason Arizona had fought for her life as long as she had. But every time she thought about it, every time she opened her mouth to ask Callie to bring Sofia up, she balked.

While somewhere in the back of Arizona's head a rational voice said that she had been brave, strong, and noble out in the woods, a louder voice insisted that she had been a coward. That she had lain there while others stitched bleeding gashes and died under wrecked airplanes. That Lexie had died because she had survived. That she hadn't been the good man in the storm that she was supposed to be – that she had always claimed to be. Sofia deserved so much better than a mother who couldn't save people.

But today, for whatever reason, Arizona couldn't stand the thought of going another minute without seeing her baby. Callie's comment about Sofia's recognition of the heart necklaces only drove the point further home.

She looked at Callie, eyes twinkling. "I want to see her. Can you go get her? Like right now?" Suddenly terribly impatient, Arizona bounced on the bed as much as the external fixation would allow.

Callie grinned. Here was the old Arizona. Callie had known that Arizona had misgivings about seeing Sofia, and as hard as it had been not to, she hadn't pushed the issue. Today, her reward for her patience came in the form of a happy, smiling Arizona. Even after almost four years, that smile still made her melt.

"Sure, I'll –" Callie was interrupted by a rap at the doorframe, followed by Alex stepping into the room carrying a box.

Arizona's heart sped up at the sight of him. She hadn't seen him since she had blown up at him, before she'd even gotten on that damn plane. Arizona's throat constricted as she realized she could have died without Alex knowing how proud she was of him.

Callie smiled at Alex, who was looking around the room in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Arizona. The way she was looking at him – reverent, sad, proud – made him uncomfortable. "I'll go check on Sofia," Callie said, moving toward the door. "If she's napping, I'll wait for her. I'll bring her up in a few minutes." She clapped Alex on the shoulder and walked away in the direction of the daycare.

Arizona shifted in her bed. Alex cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Neither knew quite what to say.

Finally, Arizona broke the silence. "What's in the box?"

Alex held up the box in his hand. "They're from the kids," he explained. "In Peds. They heard you were hurt, so they made you some stuff."

"Oh." Arizona raised a hand to her chest, suddenly overcome with emotion. Since she had been a patient, she had nearly forgotten she was a doctor, and she had definitely forgotten about life outside the four walls of her room. Arizona was almost unsurprised when right on the heels of gratitude came guilt. She couldn't be a doctor to her patients when she was stuck in the hospital herself. There was a whole ward of kids out there who needed her and she couldn't help a single one of them. She started when she realized she didn't know what had happened to those conjoined twins in Boise. Had they found another team of surgeons? Would they wait until the Seattle team was ready to try again? Or had they simply given up?

Alex plopped into the chair beside Arizona's bed, sitting the box on the table next to him. "This one's from Bridget Parker," he began, pulling out a card and handing it to Arizona. A shower of glitter fell onto the bed when she opened it. Bridget was a six-year-old who had just received a lung transplant. The inside of the card, under a thick layer of glitter, read "Get well soon, love Bridget." There was a drawing of a rainbow and a sticker with a puppy on it. Another card, from a 13-year-old boy, said, "I saw the crash on the news. I hope you're okay. I heard you broke your leg. My brother broke his leg once and now he's the MVP on his basketball team. –Devon. P.S. If you get bored, channel 7 always has _Law & Order_ marathons." Arizona had to laugh at that. How many times had Callie complained about Arizona ignoring her to watch detectives Briscoe and Green bring another criminal to justice?

The box was full of cards and trinkets. Someone had thrown in a coloring book and a small box of crayons; a group of girls had made a bouquet of paper flowers, and one boy had made his own word search. Arizona pulled out one last card. It was from Jamie Harding, a seven-year-old girl who had broken her own leg when she'd fallen off a horse. Ironically, she and Callie had both treated her the day before the plane crash. As far as Arizona knew, Jamie had been discharged, so she must have come in for a check-up and made the card then. On the front was a drawing of two people. The smaller one had a purple cast on her leg, the color Jamie had picked. The other person, taller and blonde, had a pink cast on her leg. Both drawings smiled brightly up at Arizona from the paper, surrounded by doodles of hearts, flowers, and butterflies. Slowly, Arizona opened the card. In big, bold crayon letters, Jamie had printed, "Now we can be twins!"

Arizona slammed the card shut, suddenly not so sure she wasn't going to throw up. She raised a shaking hand to her mouth, letting the card drop to the floor. It wasn't Jamie's fault. She was just being a child, making a drawing and putting a positive spin on a negative situation. She didn't know what had really happened. She didn't know who had died, who had suffered, who continued to suffer. In Jamie's eyes, everything was okay. Dr. Arizona had a broken leg, but she got to wear a pink cast, decorate it with stickers, and have all her friends sign it. She got to eat ice cream for dinner for being so brave and she got to listen to the cool bone doctor tell her about the time she'd fallen off a horse trying to impress a boy – a story Arizona had memorized by now.

There was a child's innocence and then there was reality.

Alex, having seen the abrupt change in Arizona's face and demeanor, hurriedly moved the box out of her line of sight, throwing Jamie's card on top before shoving the whole thing under the bed. "You okay?" he asked.

Arizona shook her head, snapping herself out of her trance. She hadn't meant for Alex to see her like that. "I'm fine," she declared, though there was the slightest tremor in her voice. Alex knew she wasn't fine, but he also knew not to press the issue.

"So." Arizona cleared her throat. "How are you?"

Alex shrugged. "I'm okay. How are –" He stopped himself. "I'm okay. Keeping busy. Lots of sick kids." He tried to think of what else to report. "Your replacement sucks. Not as bad as Stark," he hurried to add. "She just…she doesn't get the kids, you know?" Arizona nodded. _Peds is more than just cutting._ "You're going to come back soon, right? Because Steiner's a good doctor, but she knows she's gone as soon as you come back. So just…come back soon."

Arizona chuckled mirthlessly and glanced at her leg. "I'll see what I can do."

A moment of companionable silence passed between the pair. "It sucks about Lexie," Alex said.

Arizona closed her eyes. "Yeah," she breathed. "It really does."

"It's not fucking fair."

"Not in the slightest." Both fought back tears. "What are you doing here, Alex?" Arizona asked softly, needing to talk about something other than the crash. "I figured you'd be on the first plane to Hopkins as soon as I was out of sight."

Alex shrugged. "They had a great program and everything, but it just wasn't…that's not home." Arizona stayed quiet, letting him process. "I couldn't just leave after everything that happened. People should stay together after something like that, you know? And I…I want your fellowship."

Arizona's eyes widened. "You what?"

"I thought about what you said after you left," he said on a sigh. "You…you _made_ me. You taught me everything. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would've been a great doctor no matter what." Arizona rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "But without you I probably would have ended up in gastroenterology or something. You never gave up on me."

"I care about you," Arizona interjected quietly.

"Yeah," Alex agreed. "That doesn't usually happen. But it did with you, and then you almost died, and I think…maybe it all means something. Like I-I care about you too or something. Or-or maybe this is home because –" He cleared his throat, bashful. "If you hadn't yelled at me, I would have gotten on the plane. You saved my life. You _made_ me. And I want _your_ fellowship."

"Alex," Arizona breathed, choked up. "That's –"

"But if anyone asks," he interrupted, "Hunt offered me a huge raise."

Arizona snorted. "Of course."

"I can still have it, right?" Alex asked, suddenly uncertain. "I mean, you were really mad at me, and you said…stuff."

"Does it look like I've been interviewing other people for the position?" Arizona gestured to her broken body. "That fellowship is yours, Alex, if you don't mind waiting. It could be a while."

"I can wait," he assured her. "Someone has to make sure Steiner doesn't wreck everything. I've got stuff to do." As if on cue, Alex's pager went off. "Duty calls," he said, standing up. "I'll see you. Maybe I'll bring you some charts sometime. You know, if you're bored."

"Thank you," Arizona said sincerely, and they both knew it was for much more than the offer of charts. "I'm sorry I called you a crapdog."

"Yeah, whatever," Alex replied as he moved toward the door. "Just…hang in there, Robbins. I-we need…" He smiled gently at her. "I'm really glad you're okay." He turned and left before Arizona could say anything else.

Before Arizona could even begin to process everything that had just happened, Callie appeared in the doorway holding Sofia, who broke into a huge grin when she saw Arizona.

"Sorry that took so long," she said. "People kept stopping me to talk to Sofia. You'd think no one's ever seen a baby before." She took in Arizona, who looked like she might cry. "You okay?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm fine," Arizona assured, shaking her head. "Just…Alex."

"Don't worry," Callie quipped. "I won't tell anyone he's a good guy."

"No one would believe you anyway," Arizona teased. Her attention shifted to the bouncing baby in Callie's arms. "There's my girl!" she cooed, a gleeful smile taking over her features.

"Ma ba-ba-ba!" Sofia squawked, banging her hands together in her best approximation of a clap. She wasn't talking quite yet, but her babbling was definitely more than just nonsense sounds. She knew what she was saying.

"See? It's Mama!" Callie inched closer to the bed. "You missed her, didn't you?" Sofia squealed joyously, one hand tangling in Callie's hair while the other reached for Arizona.

"Hee _ma!_" Sofia exclaimed. Arizona couldn't help it; a laugh bubbled out from her chest. Here was her beautiful, perfect baby who was overjoyed to see her, in the arms of her equally beautiful, perfect wife. At that moment, all of the negative thoughts flew from Arizona's head, leaving her with only love and reverence for the two people who mattered most.

Callie smiled and sat down on the bed by Arizona's good leg and let Sofia slither forward toward Arizona, keeping one hand hovering over her to make sure she didn't head for the other leg.

"Hi, sweetie," Arizona said softly, reaching for one of Sofia's tiny hands. "Oh my goodness, you're so beautiful. Did you get bigger this week? You look like you're growing, my big girl." She brought Sofia's hand to her lips and blew a raspberry in her palm, earning a delighted shriek from the baby. "I'm so glad you're here. I missed you so much."

"Do you want to hold her?" Callie asked. "I can adjust the bed, put a pillow behind your back. She can sit on your right leg." Arizona nodded eagerly and Callie obliged, raising the top half of the bed and helping Arizona sit up. The pair of them managed to reposition Sofia in Arizona's lap, and Arizona immediately wrapped her arms around her daughter, planting kisses all over her face. Sofia didn't even seem to notice the large metal brace around her mother's leg, happy just to be in her company again after so long.

"Oh, my sweet girl," Arizona sighed, resting her head against Sofia's. "I love you so much. I wish you didn't have to see me all hurt like this. I hope it's not scary for you." Sofia just gurgled happily and reached forward, grabbing Arizona's heart necklace in her hand. She turned to look at Callie, grinning triumphantly.

"Good going, Sof," Callie laughed. "You found her!"

Arizona laughed softly, pressing another kiss to Sofia's forehead. "Mama was in an accident last week, Sofia," Arizona confided, quietly but seriously. "Mama, Daddy, and Lexie. And Cristina, Meredith, and Derek. We were all in a scary accident and we got hurt." Sofia gazed intently at Arizona, almost as if grasping the seriousness of the topic. "I was supposed to come home that night, but I didn't. I'm sorry I didn't come home to you and Mommy, baby girl."

Callie's heart caught in her chest. How could Arizona be sorry for something that wasn't remotely her fault? Still, she didn't interrupt, recognizing the conversation as one Arizona needed to have for herself.

"But I wanted to, more than anything," Arizona continued. "We were all so scared that no one would find us out in the woods, but I looked at all the stars in the sky and I wished as hard as I could that I'd be able to come home to you. Do you know how much I love you, Sofia? I love you more than all the stars in the sky." A tear slipped down her cheek and she sniffled. Sofia grabbed at Arizona's lips. "I'm here, but I can't come home," Arizona mumbled around Sofia's hand. "I have to stay here in this bed so my leg can get better. I came back to you, but I came back broken."

Arizona's eyes closed. Despite all of her fighting to survive, despite everything she'd done to make sure that she and Mark got home to their daughter, she was broken. While Callie juggled a demanding job and an active, growing baby, and while Sofia grew, played, and learned, Arizona was stuck in the hospital. How could she be Sofia's parent when she couldn't even move? She couldn't help get her dressed in the mornings; she couldn't soothe her back to sleep at night. She could barely hold her. She had gone and broken herself. Arizona couldn't be a mother. What kind of mother couldn't even hold her own child?

Sofia shouldn't have had to be in this room; she shouldn't have had to see her mother like this. What if it destroyed her innocence? Sofia was just a baby. Babies shouldn't have to know anything of life, death, or brokenness, and yet here she was, with not one but two broken parents and no more Lexie. What if Arizona would never again be able to be the mother Sofia needed? What if her leg never healed and she couldn't chase her daughter when she took her first steps? What if her heart never healed and she couldn't bring Sofia the joy and carefree outlook she deserved to have?

What if she couldn't relate to her patients after everything she'd been through?

What if everything that made her an amazing mother and incredible pediatric doctor was gone?

Arizona looked at Sofia, at her sweet, cherubic face. She looked at Callie, all strength and beauty, though Arizona knew she was struggling too. Then she looked down at herself: immobile, unable to be the mother wife, and doctor she was supposed to be, with whatever had remained of her own innocence lost forever. Sofia deserved better than what Arizona could give her. So did Callie, if she really thought about it, but Callie seemed determined to stick around, at least for now. Arizona couldn't give Sofia herself, the mother she needed. She couldn't give her Lexie or Uncle Tim or Uncle Nick or George or –

People kept dying around Arizona. Good, innocent people. The universe kept taking them away. But what if it wasn't the universe? What if it was her?

Whenever she was around, people died. Her brother, her best friend, George O'Malley, Charles Percy, Reed Atkinson, Lexie Grey. She had nearly gotten Callie and Sofia killed. Mark had nearly died in the plane crash, too, and Zola could just as easily have lost both of her parents.

Suddenly there wasn't enough air in the room.

Arizona was the cause, not the victim. She was a curse. If Alex had gotten on the plane instead, everything would have been fine. If she hadn't been driving, Callie wouldn't have almost died and Sofia wouldn't have been born early. Arizona was toxic. She made people die.

"C-Callie…" It was becoming harder to breathe.

Callie was at her side in a second. "What's wrong?" She noticed how pale Arizona had gotten and how ragged her breath was. "Arizona, are you okay? What's going on?"

"I c-can't," Arizona gasped. "I can't." Sofia wasn't safe; Callie wasn't safe. They had to get out before Arizona broke them. "You n-need to take her. Take her. I can't."

"Are you in pain? Do you need meds? Arizona, what –"

"Get her out." Arizona's voice was frantic, barely her own. "You have to go. Take her – take her to visit Mark or something. You have to – alone, I need – I need to be alone."

"O-okay," Callie said, reaching for Sofia. She had no idea what had caused Arizona's sudden shift in mood, but she didn't seem to want to talk about it, and Callie wasn't going to push it while Sofia was in the room. She wasn't sure what might make Arizona fall into a flashback, and if that happened, she wanted to be able to give her wife her full attention. "If-if you're sure." She scooped Sofia onto her hip and started to smooth a piece of sweaty hair from Arizona's face. "I'll be back in –"

"No!" Arizona jerked away from the touch. Sofia let out a loud whine, catching on to the tension in the room. "Don't come back. Please just go." She turned her head away, not wanting to see what was sure to be a hurt, confused expression on her wife's face.

"Arizona…"

"Please, Calliope," Arizona whispered desperately, not turning back.

Callie sighed. "We'll talk later. I love you." Arizona didn't say anything, just willed herself not to cry until Callie and a now-fussy Sofia were gone.

* * *

Callie's head spun as she walked with Sofia to Mark's room. Arizona had gone from overjoyed to shut-down and terrified in a matter of seconds. It didn't make any sense. She hadn't wanted to leave Arizona alone like that, and she debated calling Alex to ask him to go back and check on her. She wouldn't normally have agreed to leave quite so easily, but Arizona appeared to be lucid, and Sofia was getting agitated. Something about Sofia seemed to have triggered something in Arizona – though what it was, Callie didn't have a clue.

Arizona had said not to come back, but for how long? An hour? Four hours? A day? A week? Forever? No matter what Arizona wanted, or thought she wanted, Callie would be back in an hour and a half at the most. Just a quick visit with Mark, see how he was doing, let him play with Sofia, and then would take Sofia back to daycare and return to Arizona, whether Arizona liked it or not. Callie had promised that she wasn't going anywhere and she meant it. If Arizona needed some space, fine, but Callie wasn't going to let her push her away. Not this time.

"Look who finally decided to visit!" Mark called teasingly from his bed. Callie had been by a few times, but she hadn't brought Sofia with her. Physically, Mark was weaker than Arizona, even after a week and two days.

Besides, Callie had wanted Arizona to see Sofia first. As unsure as Arizona had been, Callie had been positive that a visit from Sofia would lift her spirits considerably. The way their faces lit up in each other's company was too beautiful to put off any longer than she had to. Besides, Sofia loved Mark and she loved Callie, but nobody made her quite as happy as Arizona did. When Bailey told Callie that she had trouble getting Sofia to sleep, Callie had lightly sprayed one of Arizona's sweaters with her perfume and left it in her portable crib, and it seemed to help, but there was just no substituting the real thing.

"Say 'hi, Daddy,'" Callie said wearily to Sofia, who stopped fussing at the sight of her father and the sound of his voice. Her face broke into a huge grin and she giggled.

"Come over here," Mark requested as he struggled to sit up. "Let me see my girl!" He grunted in pain, his body still recovering from everything it had been through.

"Easy," Callie scolded. "Don't hurt yourself. Sofia doesn't care if you're sitting or lying down. You know she's just going to grab your nose either way." As if on cue, once she was close enough, Sofia reached out and gripped Mark's nose in her hand. Callie laughed. "I have no idea why she does that. She never goes for anyone else's nose."

"Hey, you." Mark smiled, at Sofia, maybe his first genuine smile since the crash, grabbing her little hand in his own and squeezing. "She knows I'm in plastics. Noses are what I do. She knows that and she's going to go into plastics too. Aren't you?" He addressed Sofia in a silly voice, and she laughed. "See?" Mark said. "We're raising a genius."

Callie laughed softly, sitting in the chair beside Mark's bed. She scooted a little closer and perched Sofia on her lap so she could keep touching his face without climbing on him and hurting him. "How are you doing, Mark?" she asked. They hadn't had a serious conversation during any of their visits so far; they just chatted about the weather, hospital gossip, and things Sofia was doing. Mark never seemed to want to talk and Callie didn't want to push him, at least not so soon after such major surgery, but the pain in his eyes was breaking her heart. "Like, really, how are you?"

Mark sighed. "How do you think?" He grunted again as he shifted. "My whole body hurts. I can barely move. I don't know when I'll get out of here and God only knows when I'll be able to work again." He swallowed thickly. "Lexie…the love of my life died. She died and I was holding her hand. She was alive, she was talking to me, and then…I _saw_ her."

"I know," Callie breathed, holding back her own tears. Even after she'd been to the funeral, it was still so hard to believe that Lexie Grey was just _gone._ And to know how much pain she must have been in beforehand… "I know," Callie said again. "God, I'm so sorry."

"Me too," Mark agreed. "I miss her so much. Every day I wake up and I just…I lose her all over again." His voice caught and tears welled in his eyes. He reached up with one hand to wipe them away; with the other he tickled Sofia's stomach. The baby giggled loudly, which brought a faint smile to Mark's face.

"When you really love someone, they're never gone forever," Callie said quietly. "With George it…it hurt for a long time. But then I realized that as long as I remembered him and talked about him, he was still kind of around. He's just in a different place now. He's…he's inside me." Despite the context, Mark raised an eyebrow. "Not like that, you perv! God, if you didn't just have major surgery, I would punch you." Mark chuckled. "I just mean, his-his spirit, or his soul – I don't know – is part of me now. I carry that part of him around with me. If Arizona –" Callie's lip trembled at the mere thought of Arizona dying. "If she ever…it would be the same. It would hurt like _hell_. But I love her so much that she'd always be with me."

Mark closed his eyes and exhaled a shuddering breath. "You didn't love George the way you love Arizona," he said.

"No, I know." Callie didn't – couldn't – love anyone the way she loved Arizona. "I'm just telling you what you would tell me if I was in your place. Of course it hurts. It's going to hurt. But one day it'll hurt a little less than it did before, and then someday after that you'll realize you had a whole conversation or did a whole surgery without it hurting." She paused to make sure Mark was still listening. "You're allowed to miss her. You'll miss her forever. But one day it won't feel this bad. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. And in the meantime, Sofia's here and she's really cute."

Mark smiled. "Well, that part's true." He tickled Sofia's stomach again, earning another laugh. "You know you're the cutest baby in the whole world, don't you?"

"Ba-_ha!_" Sofia chirped in agreement.

"How's Arizona?" Mark asked, concentrating on Callie. "I want to talk to her, but, well, you know." He gestured to himself.

Callie sighed. "I don't know. She's…there are times when she's laughing and joking like nothing ever happened. But then it's like – that Arizona goes away and some other Arizona takes over." She shook her head. "She was just cuddling and laughing with Sofia, and then all of a sudden she started freaking out and told me to leave. She wouldn't even look at me."

"She went through hell out there, Callie," Mark noted. "We all did."

"I know," Callie said. "Trust me, I know. But I don't know what to do. I don't know if the next thing I say is going to make her cry or have a flashback or something else I don't know how to deal with. What if I make it worse? I don't know how to help. And I have to go back to work and take Sofia home to sleep and now Arizona doesn't want me anywhere near her and I don't know why. She goes to sleep and wakes up screaming and I have to leave her here alone at night, and when I go to sleep I-I see her coming off the helicopter and she's so pale –" Callie stopped to catch her breath and rein in her emotion. "And I see myself waiting in bed for her in that stupid sexy nightgown, and I-I see her on the table with my hands inside her leg…" She shut her eyes to ward off the tears. "She's just…she's in pain; she's hurting all the time and it breaks my heart because I love her and-and that's not _my_ Arizona. And I love her no matter what. I would love her if she'd lost both her legs out there or her memory or-or – but my Arizona is in there somewhere, at least I think she is, and I don't know how to get her out. I don't know how to help her, Mark. I love her so much but she's not herself. I love her but she's lost and I don't know how to find her!" Callie's voice broke and she finally let herself cry. She would have preferred to wait until Sofia wasn't around, but she just couldn't wait anymore.

"Na-na-na-na," Sofia whimpered. She didn't understand why her mommy was making that noise or why she was shaking all of a sudden.

"Hey." Mark's voice cut into Callie's sobs. His tone wasn't angry, just firm. "Callie, what we went through out there…" He paused, searching for the right words. "Nobody here is the same person who got on the plane." Callie wiped at her eyes, desperate to stop crying. Sofia squirmed in her lap. "She might not ever be your Arizona again. But she's still here. You still have her."

Callie nodded. "She blames herself," she said. "She keeps apologizing. She thinks she should have saved Lexie and the pilot."

Mark shook his head. "Do you know how amazing she was? Even when she was coughing up blood, she was the calmest out of all of us. The woman splinted her own leg and barely complained. You're married to a hero."

"_I_ know that." Callie shook her head. "She doesn't." She wiped at her eyes again, a few more tears having leaked out without her permission. "She just lost her best friend from when she was a kid, which is kind of like losing her brother all over again. She was already upset when she left. She-she begged me not to leave her."

"Then don't," Mark said. He took Sofia's foot in a gentle grip and bounced it, hoping to calm her. It seemed to work. "Make sure she knows how much you love her. She knows, right?"

"Yes," Callie breathed. "Of course. I tell her every chance I get. I couldn't live without her. I told her that, too."

"Good," Mark replied. "You guys got lucky, Callie. It may not seem like it now, but you two are the lucky ones."

"She wasn't even supposed to be on the plane," Callie whispered brokenly. "She wasn't supposed to go. And then she went at the last second, and now…she's so scared, Mark. She's scared and hurting and she blames herself." She shook her head. "I don't know what to do."

"What about her parents?" Mark asked. "Do they know what's going on?"

Callie nodded. "I call them every day. They were going to come out here as soon as Arizona was out of surgery, but she didn't want them to. She says she's not ready to see them, but I think she's nervous about them getting on a plane." She laughed mirthlessly. "I don't really blame her."

"Maybe you should ask them to come anyway." Mark tickled the bottom of Sofia's foot. She laughed, albeit cautiously. "They can watch Sofia and maybe one of them can stay with Arizona at night so she's not alone."

"Maybe," Callie sighed. "I don't know. I don't know if it'll help."

Mark looked at Callie. "It can't hurt. If you really don't know what to do right now, maybe they can help. But at the very least they can help you with Sofia so you don't run yourself into the ground."

"Would you like that, Sof?" Callie asked the baby in her lap, who looked up at the sound of Callie's voice. "Would you like a visit from Grandma and Grandpa?" Sofia gazed at Callie for a moment and then turned her attention back to Mark, reaching for his nose again.

"You know," Mark said after a moment of silence, "I wasn't going to come back."

Callie's head snapped up. "What?"

"Lexie was gone, and it was so cold. I just wanted to close my eyes and see her again. I was going to…to go be with her."

Callie gulped. She'd come closer to losing her best friend than she'd thought. "Mark…"

"It hurt so bad. _Everything_ hurt. It was dark, it was cold…I said I'd be fine. I said – I said goodbye. I told Arizona to take care of you and Sof."

The hand that wasn't around Sofia flew shakily to Callie's mouth. Tears were streaming down her cheeks once again, but she made no move to wipe them away. Sofia started to fuss again and Callie bounced her on her knees. The baby continued to fidget but stopped whimpering.

"But she…she made me open my eyes. She told me –" Mark closed his eyes against another swell of emotion. "She told me she needed me, that you and Sofia were waiting for me. She said we were going to get out of there and we'd go home together."

"Arizona," Callie breathed, her hand still trembling at her lips. "She really…she said…"

Mark nodded. "She was coughing up blood by then, but I still wasn't going to argue with her." Callie shook her head. Her wife got more amazing by the minute. She had splinted her own leg, she'd kept Jerry the pilot alive as long as she could, and she had apparently saved Mark's life. Callie really was married to a hero. "So I opened my eyes."

"Thank you," Callie said earnestly. "I'm really glad you did."

Mark took a deep breath. He wasn't quite at that point yet; he wasn't a hundred percent glad he had opened his eyes and left Lexie behind, but looking at his daughter and his best friend right now was pretty incredible. Arizona had known he would want to be here for Sofia, even if he didn't know it himself. "Arizona saved me," Mark said in no uncertain terms. "After everything we went through last year, after we fell out of a freaking airplane, after she splinted her own leg…she saved my life. That makes her a hero in my book, Callie. I know it, you know it, Lexie knows it. Tell her I said that." Callie nodded, too awestruck to say anything. "And tell her as soon as I can get up, I'm coming to see her."

"I will," Callie promised, eyes wide and voice raspy. "I'll tell her."

* * *

Tiptoeing cautiously into Arizona's room, Callie didn't know what to expect. She had been gone a little over an hour. Maybe Arizona had fallen asleep; maybe she was watching television or reading. Whatever she was doing, Callie just hoped that she had processed whatever happened earlier and was willing to talk about it.

Whatever Callie was expecting, it wasn't Arizona sitting up in bed, jaw clenched, the relief in her eyes clouded by frantic anger.

"Where the _hell_ were you?" There was a barely perceptible tremor in Arizona's voice, but for the most part, it was steely.

Callie frowned, closing the door behind her and lingering where she stood. "What?"

"You promised you wouldn't leave. You fucking _promised_, and then you left anyway. So I'm asking you again: where the _hell_ were you?"

Callie's eyes widened. Arizona had been angry with her before, sure, but she had never heard her like this. Arizona usually only cursed in the bedroom, and the one other time Callie had heard it, Arizona had been talking about a parent she had suspected of abusing a child. She'd been seething then, and rightfully so. What was transpiring before Callie right now was more extreme than ever before.

Arizona didn't seem to be caught in a flashback, but Callie wasn't sure. "Arizona, do you…do you know where you are?" she asked cautiously.

Arizona scoffed. "Of course I do. I'm in the same place I've been for over a week and where I'm going to be for another two months. I'm not an idiot, Callie." Arizona's voice was venomous.

"Okay." Callie held up her hands in surrender. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't make this about me. Don't try to talk your way out of this. Answer the damn question. Where. Were. You? And don't you _dare_ lie to me."

"I took Sofia to visit Mark." Callie kept her voice calm and steady. "You said –"

"You were with _Mark?_ You took our baby and went to visit your old fuck buddy?"

"I took Sofia to visit her father, and our friend." Callie's hands shook. Arizona was scaring her. It was like she had left for an hour and walked back into 2010.

"Did you even _think_ about me while you were with him?" Arizona's face was flushed. "While you were chumming it up with your baby daddy, did it even cross your mind that I was in here, unable to move, reliving all of the most terrifying moments of my life? Everyone leaves. Everyone always leaves, but _you_ promised you wouldn't. You fucking _promised!_ I trusted you! And then you disappear to go hang out with Mark?"

"Arizona, you _told_ me to –"

"Fuck you, Callie!" Arizona shouted, tears streaming down her face despite herself. "Did you make plans to hook up after he gets out of here? _Oh, well, Arizona's still stuck in the hospital with a bum leg, but Mark is good to go!_"

Callie's head snapped back as though she'd been slapped. "Arizona, I don't –"

"I didn't know where you were –" Arizona paused as a choked sob escaped. "Or-or if you were coming back. I didn't know if something – something had –" She gasped in a breath, determined not to lose it entirely. "You can't – you can't just –"

"Arizona." Callie was at Arizona's bedside, voice soft but firm. Arizona shut her eyes against the torrent of tears. "Look at me." Arizona complied, but immediately closed her eyes again at the hurt and fear that resonated on Callie's face, just behind the concern. She had put all that there. "Arizona, hey." Callie gently cupped Arizona's face with one hand. "Please look at me." Reluctantly, Arizona opened her eyes again. "I took Sofia to visit Mark. He's her father, they love each other, and he just lost the love of his life." She stroked Arizona's cheek. "After we were done talking, I took Sofia back to daycare. I was thinking about you the whole time I was gone. I never stop thinking about you." She gave Arizona what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm sorry you were scared, but I went because you wanted me to, Arizona. You told me to get Sofia out of here and that I needed to leave. You-you told me not to come back. Do you remember that?"

Arizona shook her head. "I didn't mean it," she rasped.

"Then what did you mean?"

"I don't know." Arizona averted her eyes.

"And then – then I came back and you yelled at me. You accused me of – I don't even know."

"I'm sorry. Oh, god, Callie, I'm so sorry."

Callie shook her head. "What happened?" she urged. "Did you have a flashback? Or-or a dream? Because –"

"No," Arizona insisted. "Nothing like that."

"Then _what?_" Callie insisted. "What made you scream at me like that? What happened before, with Sofia? Did she do something? Did she hurt you?"

Arizona picked at some invisible lint on her blanket. "I heard Cristina's already operating again. It's only been a week. Isn't that crazy?"

"Arizona, don't do this," Callie begged. "Don't change the subject. Please don't push me away."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Arizona –"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Arizona snapped.

"So you're going to yell at me instead?" Callie retorted, raising her voice slightly. "That's not going to work. We both know that. I love you and I want to help you, but I'm _not_ going to sit here while you scream at me and accuse me of cheating on you."

"Oh, god," Arizona breathed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I'm sorry."

Callie just shook her head again. "Sweetie, please," she pleaded. "Tell me _something._"

"I'm broken, Callie," Arizona said without looking up. "I'm broken. I'm not safe." She turned a haunted gaze to Callie. "I'm just so completely broken, and you and Sofia need to get away from me before I break you too."

"What?" Callie didn't know what else to say.

"Don't you get it?" Arizona implored. "Tim, Nick…George, Percy, Reed, Lexie…baby Tommy…you and Sofia…I was there for all of them. People keep dying around me. Callie, I am toxic. I'm not safe. I couldn't save them before, but I can save you and Sofia now."

"Arizona," Callie breathed. "You…you were trying to protect us?" Arizona nodded. "From you?" Another nod. "Baby," Callie murmured, suddenly choking on her own tears. "Arizona, baby, no." She gathered Arizona into her arms. Arizona shook, but she wasn't crying. She didn't want to cry anymore. "You've lost so many people," Callie said softly. Arizona just shook harder. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. But sweetie, none of it was your fault."

"I wasn't even supposed to be on the plane!" Arizona practically shouted. "I got on the plane and it crashed. I got in the car with you and we crashed. I loved my brother and he _died!_ I love people and they die. I _look_ at people and they die."

"And what about all those kids who wouldn't be here without you?" Callie countered. "What about Sofia? You saved her life. You saved Mark's life. You save me every day."

"What?" Arizona gasped. "Mark –"

Callie nodded. "He told me what you did out there. You're the reason Sofia still has a father. You're why we still have our friend. He doesn't blame you for anything. Neither does Lexie. He says you're a hero." Arizona scoffed. "It's true!" Callie insisted. "He told me. He was hardly on any painkillers! You can ask him." Arizona released a shuddery breath into Callie's chest. "Do you believe me?" Callie asked. "Do you believe nothing that happened is your fault? That you're not – what did you say – toxic?"

"No," Arizona sighed, "but I want to."

"Good," Callie encouraged. "That's good. Sofia loves you so much, Arizona. Do you see how she lights up around you? You're definitely a hero to her."

Arizona sniffled. "Do you still love me?"

"Oh, honey, yes," Callie breathed, her voice catching. "More than anything, Arizona."

"Even though I'm broken?" Arizona hedged. "Even though I can't work or help you with Sofia or make dinner or –"

"If I wanted a Stepford wife, I would have married April Kepner," Callie said dryly. Then her voice grew serious. "I would love you if you were up and walking around, and I would love you if you had no legs, no arms, and no boobs. Well, maybe not no boobs. Those are important," she teased, pleased when Arizona chuckled softly.

"Shut up," Arizona retorted good-naturedly.

Callie pulled back from the embrace and cupped Arizona's face in both hands. "I love you, Arizona Robbins," she said, looking right into her eyes. "No matter what, no matter what you say, nothing is ever going to make me stop loving you. Sofia and I never feel safer than when we're with you." She held Arizona's gaze for a long moment. "Okay?"

Arizona nodded. "Okay." She leaned her head back against Callie's chest. "I love you too, Calliope." She breathed in the comforting scent of her wife. "You're pretty much the only thing that makes sense to me right now."

Callie laughed. "I make sense? Now _that's_ a scary thought."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Arizona said quietly. "And that I accused you of cheating on me. I know you wouldn't. I trust you. I trust you with my life. I-I wasn't actually mad at you."

"It's okay." Callie rubbed Arizona's back comfortingly. "You were scared, I get that. I'm not mad, either. Just…please don't do that again." Arizona murmured a noise of agreement. "I'm sorry if I scared you. But wherever I go, I'll always come back. Even if you kick me out of the room and tell me to go away, I'll always come back, okay? I promise." She felt Arizona nod against her. "Next time, just…just talk to me. Don't push me away. Just tell me what's going on, even if it's not the whole thing. I'm right here with you."

"Okay."

Callie ran her free hand through Arizona's hair. "We're not going to get it right every time," she mused. "But we can try."

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Arizona fully relaxing into Callie's arms while Callie continued to rub her back. She could almost forget about the pain and stiffness in her leg like this.

"Callie?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm scared."

"I know," Callie sighed. She laid a kiss on Arizona's head. "Me too. We'll be scared together, okay? We're going to do this together." Another kiss. "We'll get through this, I promise. We all will."

"How do you always know the right thing to say?" Arizona chuckled.

Callie smirked. "I learned from the best."

Arizona laughed and sighed, feeling her eyelids grow heavy. It was only mid-afternoon and already the day had been long. "I think I need to sleep," she confessed.

"Sleep," Callie agreed, letting Arizona move away from her to lie down. "Get some rest. I'll be here."

"I love you," Arizona declared, looking up at Callie with sleepy eyes. "And I love Sofia. And Mark."

Callie chuckled as she stood up, switching off the lamp on Arizona's bedside table. "Good to know. I love you, too." She leaned down for one more kiss. "My Arizona."


	4. Closer to Fine

Um…so remember how, like two months ago, I said I wouldn't take nearly as long to get chapter 4 published as I did with chapter 3? Yeah, I suck. I am SO SORRY. I could go into all the reasons and excuses for why it took such a ridiculously long time, but honestly, it's not even worth it. I don't even know what happened to the whole month of August, really. I hope people still remember that this exists and want to keep reading, even if, when Grey's comes back, this becomes totally AU. The title for this chapter is from a song of the same name by the Indigo Girls, and the chapter was beta'd by the illustrious englishstrawbie, who eats bowls of awesome for breakfast and is seriously the best.

* * *

In the dim light, Callie found herself beginning to see things more clearly. Arizona had fallen asleep almost as soon as her eyes were closed, and it was no wonder. It was only late afternoon, but after the emotional rollercoaster of the day – visiting with Alex and Sofia and brutally lashing out at Callie, only to lay all of her feelings bare for her in the end – she was understandably worn out. Callie watched her wife sleep, knowing that even when she rested, her mind didn't take a break. Behind her closed eyes, images of the crash and the different outcomes her subconscious cooked up played like a slideshow. It caused an almost tangible ache in Callie's chest to know that even though she was sleeping, Arizona still wasn't truly restful, and she would wake up just as pained and downtrodden as she had been before.

Callie rubbed a hand over her face. She herself was exhausted and completely rattled. This was what she had meant when she had talked to Mark. Arizona was unpredictable, jumping from sad to angry to happy to terrified and back again, and Callie had no way to predict her mood from one moment to the next. She had kept a brave face, but walking into her wife's room and being accused of cheating and breaking promises was unnerving. Having that much anger directed at her, even for just a few minutes, had made Callie's heart beat out of her chest.

She was supposed to return to work tomorrow and Arizona was…she didn't even know. Mad? Scared? Grieving? Furrowing her brow, Callie recalled a conversation she'd had with Owen a few weeks after his night terror when he had woken up choking Cristina. He had recounted his own issues: his irrational anger, the flashbacks he suffered on a near-daily basis, and the dreams that plagued him at night when he should have had a chance at solace. He talked about sadness, mood swings, and closing himself off from the people he cared about the most. Callie thought about the way Sofia had suddenly thrown Arizona into a downward spiral of guilt and despair. She replayed the conversation they had afterward: Arizona hadn't wanted to talk, but once she did, her words had been haunting and heartbreaking. She clung to Callie with such desperation, like Callie was the only buoy in a miles-wide expanse of bottomless ocean.

What Callie had known all along, but not wanted to believe, dawned on her with finality, becoming glaringly obvious in the darkness of the room around her. Arizona had post-traumatic stress disorder. Who wouldn't after going through what she had?

But Callie wasn't a psychologist. It had been years since she'd even done her psych rotation. She was returning to work tomorrow, she had a baby, and PTSD was bigger than she was. It scared the shit out of her, quite frankly. What if she couldn't give her wife what she needed? What if the next thing she said or did made everything even worse? Callie was scared, she was overwhelmed, and she needed help.

Maybe Mark had been right.

Glancing at Arizona and reassuring herself that she was still asleep, Callie slipped out of the room. She ducked into an empty exam room down the hall and pulled out her phone, hitting a familiar number on her speed dial. The other line picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Barbara, hi. It's Callie." She let out a nervous breath. "How soon can you and the Colonel come out here?"

* * *

Knowing that Mark didn't blame her wasn't enough. Knowing he had called her a hero wasn't enough. Knowing Sofia and Callie loved her unconditionally was better, but still not enough. The bottom line was that people could say whatever they wanted, but Arizona knew where she stood. She knew what she believed.

She ruined people.

Never mind that she had thrown herself over the body of a child to protect her from a deranged gunman or that she had made her own daughter's heart beat.

"People come near me and they die," Arizona said aloud, her voice bouncing in the emptiness of the room. Hearing the words spoken, she could hear how ridiculous they probably sounded. She could even hear another voice in her head – funny how her voice of reason sounded much like Callie these days – telling her that she actually did the very opposite of ruin people. But Arizona couldn't ignore hard evidence. People came into contact with her and then, some undetermined length of time later, horrible things happened to them. She was cursed. Arizona never used to believe in superstition.

She used to believe in optimism, in sunshine and rainbows. She used to believe in hope, pink bubbles, and happy endings.

She used to believe in herself.

So much for that.

Had Arizona been in the same room as Reed Adamson or Charles Percy when they had died? Had she been anywhere near George O'Malley, Henry Burton, or even her own brother at the times of their deaths? No. Arizona knew that. But there had to be a reason, _some_ reason that the universe kept knocking her down, kept destroying people in her life. If the reason was her, maybe it could begin to make the slightest bit of sense. Her body was broken; her head was full of darkness, fear, and grief lurking in every recess. She was like a black cloud of terror, despair, and compromised mobility. Was it really such a leap to believe that she brought destruction wherever she went?

"I ruin people," she said. "I ruin everything."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

If Arizona hadn't had one leg firmly braced to her bed, she would have fallen off in her surprise. She had been certain she was alone in the room. Trying to slow her racing heart, Arizona took a deep breath and finally registered who was walking through the door.

"Dad?" she croaked. She cut her gaze to the woman hovering over the Colonel's shoulder. "Mom? What-what are you doing here?"

Barbara's hands flew to her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. "Oh, my baby!" she exclaimed, hurrying to Arizona's side. Arizona just blinked, stunned and overwhelmed by the sudden company.

"What are we doing here?" Daniel repeated incredulously. "When you find out your only living child was in a plane crash, you want to see her as soon as possible." He ran a hand over his face. "We would have been on the first flight out here but when we called, Callie told us to wait."

"And we were going to come anyway," Barbara continued. "But then I got a terrible cold and we thought we'd better not. Callie said you had an infection."

"Y-yeah," Arizona replied, still trying to adjust to the new situation. "I did. But I don't anymore."

Barbara's shoulders slumped in relief. "We heard about the crash on the news." Her voice cracked a little. "We tried calling as soon as we knew, but we couldn't reach anyone. Callie called us a few hours later and said – she said –" Her voice broke entirely and a rush of silent tears streamed down her face.

"She said you'd just gotten out of surgery and were still asleep, but she and Dr. Bailey thought you'd make a full recovery." Daniel's voice was a little shaky too. "Man alive, Arizona," he breathed, pulling up a chair. "We were terrified. I think I aged ten years in the past week and a half."

Arizona cleared her throat. "Sorry," she said quietly, keeping her eyes trained on her lap.

"Oh, no, don't apologize!" Barbara cried. "We're just so glad you're okay." She grabbed Arizona's hand. "How do you feel?" Her eyes drifted to Arizona's left leg. "Does your leg hurt?"

"I'm okay." She knew she was being short, not to mention downplaying the severity of her situation, but something about her parents always made Arizona want to shut down her emotions. "I'm just on a mild painkiller now. The infection and the embolism cleared. My leg is sore, but mostly it's just stiff." Barbara squeezed her daughter's hand while Daniel ran a finger over the metal rods surrounding her leg. "I don't know how much Callie told you, but my femur was too badly damaged. She had to replace it with a titanium rod. I have to stay like this for another month or so, and then I get a cast for six more weeks." Both parents breathed heavily, taking it all in. "So, wait," Arizona said. "Why are you here _today?_ Were you just waiting for Mom to get over her cold? And how did you find my room? Where's Callie?"

Barbara and Daniel exchanged a look over Arizona's head.

"Callie met us downstairs, but she had to run to a surgery," Barbara said. "She told us where to find you and she said she would be by later."

"She called us," Daniel finally said after another pause.

Arizona raised her eyebrows. Funny, she didn't remember Callie running that by her. "She did? When?"

"Yesterday," Daniel replied. "She mentioned she was starting back to work and we thought maybe she could use some help with Sofia. We wanted to come anyway, so we figured it was good timing."

"How is Sofia?" Barbara's eyes lit up at the mention of her granddaughter, and she hoped that changing the subject might distract Arizona from asking any more questions about why she and her husband were there.

Arizona smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "She's great." She was trying, but she had yet to come to terms with what had happened yesterday when Sofia had visited, and it scared her that she now had an association between her daughter and such fear and anxiety. "She looks more like Callie every day. And you won't believe how big she's gotten."

Barbara's eyes twinkled. "I can't wait to see her. Callie too. It's been way too long since we visited." She glanced at Arizona's leg again. "But maybe next time you could do something a little less dramatic to remind us."

Arizona attempted a laugh, which came out more like a whimper. Inconspicuously, Daniel shot Barbara a look and shook his head. Sadness registered on Barbara's face. Callie had told her that Arizona wasn't doing well, but she still hadn't been prepared to see her daughter like this. Arizona was always so vibrant, so full of life and love. This downtrodden Arizona was such a far cry from the way Barbara always thought of her and it broke her heart.

"So," Daniel began, hoping to point Arizona in the direction of optimism. "Callie tells us you'll be good as new in a couple months. That's something. Amazing work she does."

Arizona nodded. "It's pretty impressive," she said almost robotically.

"It is," Daniel agreed, not letting her end the exchange so soon. "Sounds like you'll be back ruling your ward with an iron fist in no time."

"Yeah, I guess." Arizona blinked. "But I already have a titanium leg, so let's leave the iron fist for someone else." There was an awkward silence, both parents surprised by Arizona's lack of affect as they struggled to find a safe topic, but it was Arizona who spoke first. "Nick came to see me a couple weeks ago."

"Nick?" Barbara raised her eyebrows. "Nick Palladino? I haven't seen him in years!"

"Since Tim's…since Tim," Arizona said quietly.

Barbara lowered her eyes. "Yes," she said somberly. "How is he doing?"

"Not well." Arizona struggled against the lump that had appeared in her throat. "He…he's dying."

Barbara clamped a hand over her mouth.

"What do you mean he's dying?" Daniel asked in a harsh whisper.

"He has cancer," Arizona replied. "He had a tumor in his leg diagnosed six years ago that he didn't do anything about. We thought Callie could help him, but it was too advanced. It had spread to his heart. Teddy and Cristina – some of the best cardiothoracic surgeons we know – there was nothing –" She paused to sniffle and choke back a sob. "Nothing they could do."

"Oh, no," Daniel breathed out. "Oh, no." Barbara didn't speak for a fresh onset of tears. Nick may have been Arizona and Tim's friend, but that didn't mean he didn't have a special place in Barbara and Daniel Robbins' hearts, too.

"He knew he was dying," Arizona choked out. "I thought he came for Callie's help. But he-he came to say goodbye."

"Oh," Barbara gasped. "Oh, Arizona. That poor boy."

Arizona fixed her mother with a steely glare. "Do you know _why_ it took him six years to get treatment?" Getting silence in response, she pressed on. "He was trying to protect me. I was such a mess after Timothy died that he needed to be there for me instead of letting me help him for a change. He knew I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him sick, so he waited until he thought it would be the best time for _me_. He spent six years slowly killing himself so _I_ wouldn't suffer." Her voice had gotten louder, angrier, as she spoke. "Now my best friend is lying on some beach in Belize just waiting to die. Maybe he died today for all I know. Tell me, how does that spare me suffering in the slightest?" Arizona held her mother's gaze. "Don't feel sorry for him. You don't get to do that." Then she turned to her father, angry tears welling in her eyes. "And don't tell me I don't ruin people." She cast her eyes to the ceiling. "Maybe you should go. You're here to help with Sofia, right? You don't have to sit here with me. Go see her."

"You're our daughter, Arizona," Barbara whispered. "We want to see you. We've been aching to see you since we heard about the crash."

"Since before that," Daniel chipped in.

Barbara nodded. "We love you."

Arizona swallowed thickly. This wasn't okay. Her parents and their quietly persistent presence were making her feel things, things she couldn't process or fully understand. Things she didn't feel safe delving into without Callie beside her. Arizona's parents made her feel like she had to make a conscious effort to _be_ someone. Tim was the one who had died and Arizona was the one who had lived, and while no one had ever said as much, she felt as though she had to be two people for her parents. She felt like she had to be Tim and Arizona or, at the very least, twice as much Arizona.

She was all her parents had left. Arizona bore the brunt now of all of her parents' scrutiny; all of their worry, all of their pride, all of their expectations. She had strived to be the best all her life, to make her parents proud, but now that her brother was gone, the ever-present pressure had increased twofold at the very least. And while neither parent had ever said to her, "Arizona, you must be strong, brave, and resilient at every possible moment," she still recognized the unspoken words as truth. She had to be all of those things and more. She had to be _perfect_. Tim was the one who had died. It was the least she could do.

But right here, right now, Arizona was _none_ of those things.

Finally, after an uncomfortable silence – there seemed to be a lot of those today, Arizona noted – Daniel cleared his throat. "Well," he said, "Arizona does have a point. Barb, I'm sure you're itching to visit Sofia. Why don't you go see her? I'll join you in a moment. There's something I want to ask Arizona about." Arizona's whole body tensed. Barbara hesitated and started to protest, but she caught the pointed look her husband sent her. She gave Arizona's hand one last squeeze before standing and excusing herself from the room.

Daniel repositioned his chair, giving himself a better view of Arizona's face. "So," he said. "How are you _really_ doing?"

"I'm f–"

"And don't say you're fine."

Arizona sighed. "I was in a plane crash, Dad," she said with a distinct edge to her voice. "How do you think I'm doing?"

"Okay, that's fair." Daniel rubbed a hand over his chin. "But Arizona, I…we're worried about you."

"That's why you're really here, isn't it?" Arizona snorted. "Mom's going to coddle me while you watch me like a hawk. While you make sure I'm acting _exactly_ the way I'm supposed to." She rolled her eyes. "To Colonel's standards, of course. Or did Callie tell you to come and babysit me?"

"Arizona, you know that's not –"

"Or are you just here to tell me you're disappointed in me?"

"Why on Earth would I be –"

"I keep telling you, I am _fine_. I can take care of myself. I'm literally nailed to this bed. It's not like I can fall and hurt myself. I don't need your worry or your pity or your judgment."

"Damn it, Arizona, we already lost one child and we nearly lost another!" Arizona was stunned into silence. "You are _alive._ Your mother and I aren't going to apologize for wanting to see for ourselves. You're a parent. I know you understand."

Arizona swallowed thickly, remembering Sofia in her first few months of life. Hadn't she sat by her daughter's side whenever she had a free second? Hadn't Mark and Bailey literally had to drag her away more than once? Even now, weren't there nights, particularly after hard cases, when she just watched Sofia sleep, reminding herself that her baby was here and whole?

"You're just here to be my father?" Arizona eyed him warily. "That's it?"

"That's it. I don't know why that's so hard for you to believe."

Arizona sighed and picked at her fingernail. "You're not supposed to see me like this."

Daniel sat up a little straighter. "Like what? Injured? Do you not remember getting your tonsils out? Or the time Tim's baseball hit you in the head?"

"No," she said, suppressing a smile at the memory despite herself. Tim had gotten in _so_ much trouble for that. "Like _this_. Weak."

* * *

_Sighing in frustration, Callie threw her phone down onto the bed beside her. Arizona should have been home an hour ago. The nightgown Callie was wearing should have been discarded in a heap on the floor long ago. But no, much to her chagrin, she was still dressed and the body paint still sat untouched on her nightstand. She had tried calling and texting Arizona – more times than she wanted to admit – but there had been no response. Maybe the surgery had run long or there had been complications. Callie considered that option, but even if that had happened, Arizona would have called, or at least had someone call for her if she couldn't herself. Callie had tried calling Mark, too. She tried Meredith, she tried Lexie, she tried Derek, she even tried Cristina. No one had answered._

_For a brief moment, Callie thought about calling Julia. Maybe she had heard from Mark. Maybe Owen had heard from Cristina. Maybe Zola's babysitter had heard from…_

_No. She was being ridiculous. At any second, Arizona would burst through the door, apologizing for being late. She would laugh at Callie for being silly. Then she would set to work on Callie's nightgown and she wouldn't say anything else coherent for a long time._

_Callie checked her phone again. Still nothing. Damn it._

_The next thing Callie was aware of was her phone ringing next to her. _Finally._ Unaware of how much time had passed, Callie wiped away the small trail of drool that clung to her cheek and answered._

"_Arizona? Where are you?"_

"_Callie."_

"_Owen?"_

"_Callie, ah, Dr. Torres, I need you at the hospital."_

_Squinting, Callie glanced across the bed at the clock on Arizona's nightstand. It read 11:15. "What's going on?" she asked through a yawn. "No one paged me."_

"_There's nothing to page you for," Owen said, and Callie's heart began to beat faster. She recognized his voice as the one he used when he needed to remain calm and professional, even when he was talking about something awful. "Just get here as soon as you can. Is there someone who can watch Sofia?"_

"_I, uh, maybe Julia," Callie thought aloud. "Or my neighbor. She should be awake."_

"_Good. Drop Sofia off and get here. Just…please get here."_

_Callie heard a click on the other line and then there was no more sound. All of a sudden, she wished she hadn't ignored that gnawing worry she had felt in her gut earlier. Something was wrong, and whatever that something was, she knew deep down that it had something to do with why Arizona wasn't home yet. With shaking hands, Callie changed out of her nightgown and into a clean shirt and yesterday's jeans. _

_Suddenly the lingerie and body paint seemed so tiny and insignificant._

* * *

It wasn't a hard surgery by any means. It was a knee replacement, something Callie had done hundreds of times before. Something she had always complained about being boring; something she always wished she could replace with something more exciting.

Like an open femoral fracture, for example.

Still, looking at the young man lying unconscious on her table, Callie suddenly felt as though she had never held a scalpel before in her life. She clenched her fingers around the instrument in her hand, experiencing a sensation both foreign and familiar. Her sense memory told her this was something she did every day, but everything else in her body and mind screamed that nothing was the same.

* * *

"_I got a phone call," Owen said solemnly, "from the hospital in Boise. Apparently the, uh –" He stuttered; lost his train of thought. That wasn't like him and it only confirmed Callie's suspicion that something was terribly wrong. "The plane from Seattle never arrived there."_

_There was a collective gasp throughout the room. _

_All around Callie, everyone was talking at once. Bailey was firing questions. Webber wanted the phone numbers for every airport, every hospital, every truck stop between Seattle and Boise. Alex had closed his eyes and bowed his head. Jackson was trying his best to look stoic, but his rapidly blinking eyes and flaring nostrils gave him away. His arm found its way around April's shoulders; April had lost her battle with her tears. Callie didn't have time to wonder what April was doing there in the first place, nor did she think to ask anybody why Teddy hadn't been called._

_In the corner of the room, Julia, who had been summoned by Owen to the hospital, stood with her hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking, tears flooding her face._

_If she hadn't been sitting down, Callie would have hit the ground. She felt like she was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Like she was both floating and sinking; like she was freezing and burning up. And yet, all she could do was stare straight ahead and try not to throw up right there in the conference room. She couldn't think of a single thing to say. _

_There were others in the room, Callie noted. Nurses. Interns. Doctors she knew but whose names she suddenly couldn't remember. Her own superior, Dr. Chang. _

_Not Arizona. Not Mark. Not Cristina, Derek, Meredith, or Lexie. _

_The only coherent thought Callie could hold onto was, _"My wife is missing. My best friend and my colleagues are missing. And there's goddamn lingerie on my bedroom floor."

* * *

Callie closed her eyes tightly and opened them again, willing the dizzy, queasy feeling to go away. She was vaguely aware that the rest of the OR – the nurses, the anesthesiologist, April – were looking at her expectantly. They were all taking their cues from her.

She could do this. It was just a knee replacement. Just Jason O'Neill, a college athlete who had gotten injured playing lacrosse and hoped to be able to play again.

It wasn't like Arizona was lying broken and vulnerable on her table.

* * *

_Callie's trauma gown whipped around her. It was always windy on the helipad. She knew some time had passed between she and her colleagues had gathered in the conference room and been given the news that the missing doctors had been found, but time had since lost meaning to her and she couldn't recall what she had been doing anyway. It might have involved crying; it might have involved screaming or praying or vomiting. She couldn't be sure._

_She knew only as much as everyone else did: the plane had been found not even halfway to Boise. There was one fatality. Two were barely hanging on. Four were conscious. All of them needed immediate attention._

_The helicopter appeared like a mirage in the desert. Everyone rushed toward it but Callie found herself unable to move. Maybe if she closed her eyes, she would wake up in her bed next to Arizona and this would all have been a dream._

_Nope, that didn't work._

_The flurry of sound all seemed ambient and nondescript to Callie until she made out the distinct voices of Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey. Cristina was spouting information. Meredith was sobbing. _

"_Cardiac tamponade –"_

"_Lexie's gone; my sister is gone –"_

"_Trapped under the plane –"_

"_His hand is crushed –"_

"_Open femoral fracture –"_

"_I can't believe –"_

"_Maybe an embolism –"_

"_Looks worse than it is –"_

"_Let me help –"_

"_Dr. Torres, we need you!"_

* * *

"Dr. Torres, we need you." Callie blinked, realizing that April had been trying to get her attention.

"What is it?"

"One of the old bone fragments shifted before I could get to it and it nicked an artery. He-he's not bleeding out, but I can't fix the bleed and get to the fragment at the same time. I-I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean –"

"Shit. Gauze. Get me gauze. _Now!_"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Torres. I was just trying –"

"Kepner, shut up and focus! I will repair the bleed. You get the fragment and don't talk to me unless he starts coding!"

April nodded, chastised. Callie took a deep breath and made every attempt to center herself. The middle of surgery was hardly the time or place to start having painful memories.

But how could she not when the last bones she'd held in her hands belonged to her wife, when the last person on her table had been Arizona? How could she forget when everything made her remember?

* * *

_There was a buzzing in Callie's head that wasn't from the noise of the helicopter. Time was simultaneously flying and barely moving at all. Her whole body felt numb, but also far too heavy. She didn't fully trust herself to walk without falling to the ground, but what choice did she have?_

_There were doctors everywhere; there were questions, tears, gurneys, blood…everywhere. On another day, Callie might have laughed at how like a clown car the helicopter seemed: gurney after gurney, body after broken body._

_Of the four survivors – Callie heard, somewhere in the ambient noise, something about the pilot having died during transport – Cristina was the only one standing. A paramedic was following her, trying to convince her that she needed to sit and be checked out with everyone else, but in typical Cristina fashion, she brushed off the concern. Her arm was in a makeshift sling and there was some blood on her face, but other than that, she seemed fine. How did that even _happen_? How did someone fall out of an airplane and appear no worse for the wear? For a fleeting second, Callie found herself furious. How was it fair that Cristina Yang was okay while Lexie and the pilot were dead, while others were suffering so badly? The anger dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. There were more important things to focus on. Even in her shaken, stricken state, Callie knew that._

_Meredith was strapped to a gurney, but she was struggling to sit up. While she did have a tourniquet wrapped around one thigh, staunching blood flow from a fairly nasty wound, she bore the look of someone who was suffering more from crippling emotional pain than anything else. _

_Derek was also strapped down, but he was alert. A glance at his hand told Callie why she had been summoned; it was crushed and mangled. She took a deep, shuddering breath. She could fix it, sure, but could she _fix_ it? _

_Derek Shepherd and his multi-million dollar miracle hand suddenly became the least of Callie's worries when she saw another gurney being unloaded from the helicopter. _

"_Mark!" Callie might have thought he was dead if she wasn't trained to notice the subtle rise and fall of his chest. His face was pale, making the contrast of blood and scratches even more distressing. There was a mask over his nose and mouth, supplying oxygen to his struggling heart and lungs. His eyes were closed and he didn't open them, even when Callie called out to him. She whirled around in Cristina's general direction. "What happened?"_

_Cristina was busy getting fussed over by Owen, who was trying to pay attention to her while tending to the incoming trauma. _

"_Cardiac tamponade," Derek supplied instead, his voice laced with pain. "He collapsed out there. Yang saved him." Callie nodded. It was all she could manage as tears began to blur her vision. She knew enough about the human body to know that even though Cristina had stopped the bleeding, Mark would still require surgery, and even then, he might not survive. _

"_Mark, just hold on," Callie begged, though she wasn't sure he could hear her. "It's okay. You're going to be okay. We're going to –"_

_A flash of blonde hair. Callie's attention was fully diverted. _

_Arizona._

_She, too, had an oxygen mask on her face. Her hair was matted with blood, sweat, and dirt, and her face, while pale, was littered with wounds, no doubt from where shards of airborne glass had hit her. _

_So much blood._

_Everywhere, people were shouting information, directions, names, and numbers. Someone tried to get Callie's attention. But all of the chaos, all of the cacophony disappeared and she didn't hear or see anyone else. Just Arizona. Just this woman who, despite the dirt, the sweat, and _so much blood,_ was the most beautiful, most perfect vision Callie had ever seen. And she was _alive.

"_She has a pulmonary embolism," the paramedic unloading Arizona's gurney supplied. Callie nodded, half-registering what was being said to her. "I think she's bleeding internally, too. But obviously, our major concern is her leg."_

"_Huh?" As taken as she had been by the sight of Arizona's face – by the fact that she was getting to see her wife's face after being so afraid that she never would again – Callie hadn't even thought to look at her legs. Her gaze drifted downward. "Oh my god." _

_It was the kind of injury that, had it been on anyone else, Callie would have squealed with delight to see. It would have meant a long, complicated, exciting surgery and a chance to rebuild bones. It would have meant an incredibly cool story to tell other surgeons, a success story to tell at parties or, heaven forbid, medical conferences. Here, on Arizona, it brought bile to Callie's throat and tears to her eyes._

_Her wife's femur was broken and _sticking out of her leg._ The pants Arizona was wearing were soaked with blood and Callie could see where the bone had already started to deteriorate. The wound itself wasn't much better off; it was raw-looking, discolored, and dirty. Whether or not it was infected wasn't even a question. The question was how badly it was infected. The question was whether the bone – and the leg – were salvageable._

"_It's been splinted," Callie noted._

"_She did it herself." Cristina reappeared at Callie's side._

"_What?"_

"_Lexie was dying. Meredith was trying to help Derek with his hand. The pilot needed a c-spine stabilization. She splinted her own leg."_

_Callie felt a swell of pride at that – not for herself and her techniques, which Arizona had obviously been observing with care whenever she had the chance – but for the brave, smart, resourceful woman she had married. The most incredible woman on the planet. No one else Callie knew would have had the wherewithal to splint her own leg in that situation. Callie doubted that she would even have been able to do it herself._

_Without even thinking about it, Callie reached out for Arizona's forehead, smoothing back a piece of hair that was sticky with sweat. "She's burning up," she said with alarm. She turned and surveyed the crowd. It was an all-hands-on-deck situation and everyone was occupied. "Somebody help her!" Callie cried desperately. "Please – somebody!" _

_A faint noise caught Callie's attention. Arizona was struggling to speak, slapping weakly in the vague direction of her oxygen mask. _

"_Arizona," Callie murmured, dropping to her knees next to the gurney and reaching for her wife's hand. "Arizona, I'm here, sweetheart. I'm right here. You're safe now."_

_Arizona's eyes fluttered partway open. Callie couldn't tell what she was seeing or if she was really focusing on anything at all. She didn't give up trying to speak, trying to remove the mask from her face. Relenting, Callie lifted the mask barely an inch off of Arizona's mouth._

"_C-Ca…"_

"_Shh, Arizona, it's okay," Callie said softly, trying to muster a brave smile. "I'm right here. I know it hurts –" Arizona whimpered. "I know. But you're safe now and we're going to help you. You're going to be okay. Just hold on, Arizona."_

"_C-cold," Arizona choked out._

"_We'll get you warmed up," Callie promised._

_Suddenly, Arizona opened her eyes all the way so they were wide and boring into Callie's. "Help me," she pleaded. There was nothing in her eyes but pure fear._

"_Arizona –"_

"_Help me." Her voice grew louder. "Help." Louder. "Help!"The frantic cries continued to increase in volume, and Callie tried to replace the oxygen over Arizona's mouth. In a sudden burst of strength, Arizona thrashed out of the way and screamed desperately, heartbreakingly for help until finally her words gave way to a broken wail._

_Then her eyes rolled back in her head and the sound stopped._

* * *

Callie's vision was getting a little watery, though whether it was from sweat, tears, or a combination of the two, she wasn't sure. But she knew she couldn't let her vision be compromised and both of her hands were currently entrenched in a young man's knee, trying to put his artery back together. She opened her mouth to ask Paige, the nurse standing closest to her, to dab at her eyes for her, or at least hold up a tissue, but what came out was a choked sound that wasn't quite a whimper.

April looked up, bone fragment clasped in her tweezers. "Are you okay, Dr. Torres?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Callie rasped, nodding vigorously. "I just…I'm fine."

She wasn't fine.

* * *

"_Dr. Torres, you know I can't let you go in there."_

"_And you know I'm the best chance she has!" Callie couldn't remember how or when she had peeled herself off the helipad or how she had managed to walk any distance without collapsing or throwing up, but here she was, arguing heatedly with Owen Hunt._

"_Dr. Chang is also an orthopedic surgeon –"_

"_Dr. Chang?" Callie scoffed. "Do you think Chang would go in there and even _try_ to save that leg? Owen, we both know I am the best chance Arizona has to keep her leg. I'm the best chance she has to walk again!"_

"_You're also the best chance Shepherd has to move his fingers again," Owen countered. "They need you in there with him."_

_Callie shook her head. "Shepherd can wait, Arizona can't. The longer the bone stays exposed, the more it decays and the more nerve and tissue damage occurs. Derek's hand is bad, but it's a closed fracture. This is…I haven't seen a whole lot worse."_

_Owen closed his eyes. "Callie…"_

"_Dr. Hunt, I am saying this as a surgeon and as a wife. Arizona deserves to have the best working on her and that's me. Are you going to deny her the best chance at a recovery because the best happens to be married to her?"_

"_I can't let you –"_

"_What if that was Cristina?" Callie cried. "What if that was Meredith and I was Derek? What would you say then?"_

"_It isn't that simple –"_

"_It _is_ that simple!" Callie insisted, not caring that she was yelling and that anyone without shouting distance could hear her. "I go in there and work on Arizona, do everything I can to save her leg, and she walks out of here in eight weeks, or I stay out, she loses her leg, and you're the jerk who didn't let the best orthopedic surgeon in this hospital in the O.R.!"_

"_Dr. Hunt, he's crashing!" A nurse poked his head out of the operating room behind Owen – the room, Callie realized with a jolt, where Mark was being worked on._

"_Damn it." Owen turned to rush back into the O.R. "Don't do anything stupid," he directed Callie. And then he was gone._

_That was good enough for her._

* * *

They were just about ready to close when the sound dreaded by every surgeon the world over erupted into the quiet of the room.

"Why the hell is he crashing?!" Callie demanded. "He was fine!"

_Arizona._

"I-I don't know!" April cried. "I don't see any bleeds. Is he reacting to the anesthesia?"

_Arizona._

"_Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it!"_

_So much blood. So much brokenness. Was this how Arizona had felt when it had been Callie's body being torn apart?_

"_What is it?" Bailey asked from where she was stitching the bleed in Arizona's stomach. _

"_It's too badly damaged. There's no way it'll stabilize." She shook her head. "I can't save this bone."_

_It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair. Callie was the best orthopedic surgeon in the hospital. She knew it, Owen knew it, everyone knew it. And yet she was holding her wife's broken bone in her hands and there was nothing she could do to fix it. She had successfully treated a femoral fracture that very morning, and now her wife was sick, broken, and depending on her, and she couldn't deliver._

_How was that fair?_

"_Can you save the leg?" Jackson asked. He was just about done cleaning up the wounds on Arizona's face. In the O.R., he was forcing himself to forget that his once-girlfriend was dead and that his mentor and friend was quite possibly dying in the next room. His hands worked more from sense memory at this point than anything else. If he thought about anything for too long, his mind would inevitably wander to what Lexie's final words had been or whether Owen and Alex would be able to save Mark's life._

"_Yes," Callie said with more confidence than she felt. "Yes. I just – I'll have to use titanium –"_

_And then the shrill beeping started._

_Arizona._

* * *

"Charging to 200."

"Did he throw a clot? Do we need to crack his chest?"

"Clear!" Silence, except for the beeping. "Nothing. Damn it. Come on, Arizona, don't do this!"

No one said anything. If Callie realized her slip, she didn't correct herself.

"Come on, come on. Charging to 250!" Still nothing. "No," Callie demanded. "Don't you dare do this. Charging to 300!"

_Arizona._

April spoke up hesitantly "Dr. Torres –"

"Shut _up!_" Callie screamed. "No, no, no, no, _no!_" Tears were pouring down her cheeks now and she barely registered them. The face in front of Callie morphed from Jason O'Neill to Arizona and back again. Her wife was crashing and her heart was failing and someone needed to _do_ something and what if –

"Sinus rhythm," April announced.

Callie stumbled. She nearly fainted, she was so overcome. She turned to April, suddenly completely unconfident that she could maintain any distance between her emotions and her job. "Can you close up here?" April nodded. Without another word, Callie turned and walked away, gaining momentum until she was running into the hallway.

Her gloves were covered in blood.

So much blood.

_Arizona's blood._

* * *

"Weak?" Daniel repeated. "Is that how you think I see you?"

Arizona chuckled mirthlessly and gestured to herself. "This isn't exactly who you raised me to be, is it?"

"Arizona, the fact that you have a broken leg in no way makes you –"

"I can't get up!" she finally exploded, a week-plus of frustration, grief, and anxiety finally giving way to anger. "I can't shower or get dressed or-or even go to the bathroom by myself. I'm in pain every second of every day. I am stuck in this bed for another two months and then what? Callie says I'm going to make a full recovery, but she doesn't know that. She can think what she wants, but I might never walk again. I might never be able to move the way I used to and then – how am I supposed to do my job then?" She challenged her father with a hard glare but didn't give him the chance to respond. "I am a mother and I can't take care of my own child. I am a doctor and I can't even see my patients. How is that anything _but_ weak, Dad? How is that…how is it _anything?_"

Daniel opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but Arizona cut him off. "Do you know what I was doing out there while Lexie Grey was dying?"

"What's that, Arizona?" Daniel asked softly.

"I was crying. Not because Lexie was dying or because Mark was losing the love of his life. I was crying because I was scared. I was scared because I thought I would be next. I was cold and bleeding and in more pain than I can _ever_ remember being in, and I just wanted Callie to show up and put her arms around me and tell me I was going to be okay –" Arizona's voice broke. That was still all she wanted, really, especially as she relived the memory. "And-and I just sat there. Crying. I didn't help her. Just like I didn't help Nick. Just like I didn't help Tim. I let them down." She let out a shuddery breath, a few tears slipping out unnoticed. "I let everyone down."

"You did no such thing."

Arizona's eyes bore into her father's. "I'm a coward."

"You are _alive!_" Arizona jumped a little at the force with which the words were spoken. "You are _alive_. You're alive because you kept your head out there. You were in shock, you were scared, you were hurting…and yet somehow, you found it in yourself to splint your own leg. You knew you were going to come home and you weren't going to give up without a damn good fight. And you _fought_, Arizona. You fought like hell, and if that isn't bravery, I don't know what is."

"I didn't help them," Arizona protested brokenly.

"And what would you have done?" Daniel countered. "Stood on your broken leg and lifted the airplane off of that woman's body?"

"No, but –"

"You're a doctor, Arizona. You're not a superhero." Arizona blinked. "Never mind all the people you do help. Never mind that your own daughter wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you. Nobody blames you. Not Nick, not Tim, and certainly not your mother and me."

"This isn't who you raised me to be," Arizona said again, barely above a whisper.

"No, Arizona." Daniel shook his head. "This is _exactly_ who I raised you to be." He fixed his gaze on her for a long moment. "I brought something for you."

"What?" Arizona furrowed her brow. "Why?"

"This is something that was given to me when I came home from Lebanon," he explained. "Did I ever tell you what happened while I was over there?" Arizona shook her head. Daniel had never been one to talk much about his experiences overseas, at least not in specific detail. "I had a good friend in my unit, General Keith Brady. I met him in basic training, didn't see him for a long time, but we always kept in touch. I was happy to see him again." He took a steadying breath. "One day, while we were loading supplies onto our ship, a rebel troop opened fire on us. We fought back, but several of our men were taken down. Keith was hit in the thigh; I was hit in the shoulder. Both of us continued to fire until we had no ammunition left."

Arizona swallowed heavily. "Did-did Keith – uh, did General Brady…?"

Daniel sighed. "I stayed with him while we waited for the doctor to arrive. There were a couple of other men who had been shot. I thought Keith would be okay. I took off my shirt and used it to try to stop the bleeding in his leg."

"How did you lift your arm?" Arizona asked in awe.

"It hurt like hell." A hint of a smirk played across Daniel's face. "I don't know how long we sat there waiting. All of us were bleeding pretty badly. I was probably the best off out of everyone, but…but there is no way I can describe pain like a bullet to the shoulder." He took another deep breath. "Still, I didn't take my hands off of Keith's leg. The shirt had soaked through, but I didn't have anything else. I remember telling him to just-just hold on. That help was coming. That he was going to be okay. I told everyone to hold on."

"He wasn't okay, was he?" Arizona's voice was barely audible.

Daniel shook his head. "Some of the men were crying. All of them were in pain. I told them stories about my kids to try to distract them. I promised them that if they just held on, I'd introduce them all to my family." Arizona made a sound between a laugh and a sob. "All of them had died by the time help came. Even-even Keith."

"Dad," Arizona whispered. How was this supposed to make her feel better?

"When I came home, I was given this." He reached into his pocket, pulling something out and holding his outstretched hand to Arizona.

She gasped. "Dad, that's –"

Daniel nodded. "A purple heart. For bravery. I'd like you to have it, Arizona."

Arizona's eyes welled up. "Dad, I can't –"

"You are the bravest, strongest, most noble person I know. This belongs to you."

Arizona just nodded, knowing she could do nothing but accept the gift. She took it from her father and clasped it in her fist, holding it so tightly it practically cut into her skin. "Thank you," she whispered. She wasn't convinced that she deserved it, but if her father believed she did, then maybe…

"Thank _you_."

* * *

Callie didn't actually know where her feet were taking her until she skidded to a stop outside of Arizona's room. Peeking in, she could see that Arizona and her father were having a moment, so while she wanted – felt the physical pull – to throw open the door, burst in, take Arizona in her arms, and never let go, she forced herself to rein in her energy. Taking a deep breath to center herself, she rapped lightly on the door. Both father and daughter looked up.

"Callie, hello." Daniel smiled gently at her. Arizona acknowledged her too, but she had tears in her eyes and falling slowly down her cheeks. She tried to smile, but appeared not to be able to, as if her mouth got stuck halfway through the motion.

"Hi, Colonel," Callie replied. "Hey, sweetie." She shot Arizona a questioning look, hoping the question of "Are you okay?" came through in her eyes. Arizona offered a blink, a sniffle, and a watery not-quite-smile in response. Callie glanced between the pair. "Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all," Daniel said, standing up. "I was just about to go and make sure my wife doesn't abscond with your daughter." Both women chuckled. "Good surgery, Callie?"

Callie's face fell. "Uh…yeah. It, um…" She looked down at her hands, inspecting her fingernails. "It was fine."

Daniel looked at Callie for a long minute, but he finally moved toward the door, figuring that whatever Callie's misgivings about her surgery were, she needed to talk them through with her wife. "Good," he settled on saying. "Glad to hear it. I imagine we'll see you back at your apartment whenever you're able to get home."

"Yes." Callie nodded. "I gave you the spare key, so feel free to let yourselves in. I'll make sure to let the daycare staff know that you and Barbara have our permission to pick up Sofia."

"Excellent." Daniel smiled – the mention of his granddaughter never failed to bring a smile to his face. He turned back to Arizona. "I'll see you tomorrow," he promised. "Remember what we talked about."

"I will," Arizona answered hoarsely, nodding.

Daniel offered another nod, laying a hand on Callie's shoulder as he left the room.

As soon as he was gone, Callie's earlier energy returned with a vengeance and, mindful as always of Arizona's leg, she all but flung herself at her wife, wrapping her arms around her as tightly as she could without hurting her.

"Callie!" Arizona squawked, too bewildered to say anything else or even remember why she had been so emotional a moment ago. "What…?"

"I love you!" Callie cried. Tears that she hadn't allowed herself to cry during her surgery spilled over, rushing down her cheeks. "I just – I had to – there was so much blood. And he was crashing and I kept shocking him and all I could think about was when –" She hesitated for a second, not sure if Arizona would want to hear about her own surgery and how touch-and-go it had been. She figured, though, that if she had already gotten this far, she might as well keep going. "When it was you!" She squeezed Arizona a little tighter and felt her tears drip onto her wife's head. "I just – I kept seeing you and I was so scared –" Callie struggled to keep talking even as her throat constricted around her tears. "I couldn't remember if I told you I love you this morning. And I had to tell you. I had to see you."

"Callie," Arizona murmured into her wife's shoulder. She didn't know what else to say, didn't know what else she _could_ say. Surely she wasn't in any position to be offering reassurances. "I'm still here. Right where you left me."

"I love you," Callie said again, her voice only slightly muffled from where her mouth was pressed to the top of Arizona's head. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Arizona promised. "I love you too, Calliope. I'm really glad you're here."

Callie sniffled and pulled back, holding Arizona at an arm's length so she could really see her. The pure reverence and adoration in her eyes made Arizona feel warm. "You have no idea." She sniffled again, removing one hand from Arizona to wipe at her eyes. "Guess it was a hard day all around, huh?"

Arizona nodded. "You could say that." She chuckled softly. "Although, my mom's visiting Sofia in daycare. I'm sure that if you asked her, she'd say it's been a great day. Sofia, too." That got a genuine, if quiet, laugh out of Callie. "What else do you have today?"

"Not much," Callie said, glancing at her watch. "I'm putting pins in a woman's arm in a few hours and I have a hip replacement after that. Why?"

"Do you, um…" Arizona was still reeling from her visit with her parents and all of the feelings that had brought up, and now that Callie was here, she felt safe starting to process them. "Will you just…sit with me for a while? We can put on a movie if you want."

"Of course," Callie said tenderly. She reached out and trailed her fingers down Arizona's cheek. "You think about what movie you want to watch and I'll plug in the laptop, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Callie sat in the chair next to Arizona's bed, as close as she could get without actually being in it, fingers entwined with her wife's. Her laptop rested on the other side of the bed, on Arizona's bedside table, though neither woman was paying particularly close attention to the movie playing on it. Arizona was deep in thought and Callie's mind was wandering.

How was Callie supposed to do her job when every time she was in the O.R., her wife's life was at stake all over again? How was she supposed to fix other people's bones knowing that she couldn't fix Arizona's? How was she supposed to go back to the daily grind, pretending everything was normal, when she and her wife were taking turns falling apart?

How was she supposed to help Arizona? And what if she couldn't?

"Hey," Arizona said softly from beside her, squeezing her hand. Callie hadn't realized her breathing had gotten erratic or that a tear had escaped until Arizona snapped her back to the present. Her gaze was concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Callie whispered. She flashed Arizona a wan smile and turned back to the movie. "I'm fine."

She wasn't fine.


End file.
